Being Love-Able

By Rev. Diannia Baty

How many of you have said that you want to be loved? You want to be loved for yourself just as you are. What if what you are is not lovable? What unlovable traits do you have?

I came to realize that I have some not so compatible traits myself. I am far from perfect. I cannot expect someone to love me unconditionally. It is just too unrealistic. The only creature that loves me that way is my dog. A human being is far more complex and cannot be expected to accept me this way. Who am I kidding? Who are you kidding?

We all know what our unlovable traits are. Anyone who is trying to love us will point it out to us at every available opportunity. We will keep getting the clues we need for personal change. If for instance we are a terrible listener and conversation hog, someone sooner or later will tell us and then tell us again. Maybe we are a sloppy, untidy housekeeper. Someone will tell us eventually and then another person and then another one. Ignoring these subtle and not so subtle comments will cause problems with our personal relationships if we don’t take heed. We are essentially being told we are unlovable in these areas. We are being told every day in a lot of ways what it is about us that is unlovable. The trick here is to pay attention.

I have heard all my life that it is the little things that have a lot of impact in our lives. The little things can make or break a relationship in terms of love ability. Let’s say that you are a guy who early on in your relationship was well groomed and fresh shaven every day. After a while, you sort of forget to shave when you are around her. Maybe you let the shower go as well. When you try to hold her or kiss her she tenses up and tells you that your beard breaks her face out. She may tell you flat out that you stink. You ignore it at your own peril. It won’t be long before your lady isn’t responding to you at all.

Using another example, to be fair to both genders, let’s say that you are a woman who kissed your guy every evening and asked about his day. Then you changed into asking him if he picked up the dry cleaning and reminded him to take out the trash all the while talking to your girlfriend on the phone. It wouldn’t make him feel very important in your life, would it? How about those ratty old t-shirts you wear to bed. It is not very appealing is it? I bet he has mentioned it to you by buying you some pretty lingerie that you haven’t bothered to wear. I would consider this a strong message.

We are also unlovable to our children and friends, parents and co-workers in so many ways.

It is time to pay attention to what we do and say to those around us. If you want to be loved then be love-able. You have to be able to love in order to love another. To be love-able we have to be prepared to listen and respond when we are getting clues verbal or otherwise that we have some traits or habits that are unlovable. If you are constantly yelling and criticizing everyone it won’t be too long when your victims aren’t around to abuse.

The biggest goof of all is to take for granted the love we already have in our life from whatever source. There are so many levels of love. The highest level of love is the love that God has for us. Are you taking God for granted too? Are you trying to keep your spiritual house in order or are there a lot of mental cob-webs that need to be cleaned out? Have you prayed or meditated lately? The good news is that even when we are being unlovable, God still loves us anyway. You can’t expect this kind of love from human beings. We want to be appreciated and valued. What are you doing that makes it difficult to be appreciated and valued? You are the only one that can make changes in your life. This is just something to think about.

 Rev. Diannia Baty is first and foremost a dedicated spiritual teacher and visionary. She loves to write and is featured in two anthology books. She’s recently published called “Spirit Letters. Find her on the web at and at

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