Wilder in Real Life: Come On Home

by Lauren Wilder

At the moment I’m sitting in Raleigh/Durham Airport waiting on my flight to head back to Chicago.  I’ve been in North Carolina for about a week to see my twin sister graduate from college.   It was a much needed trip, which has something to with what I like to call “clicking the refresh button.”  I spent some time thinking and planning but I relaxed while doing so.

I realized that in order to get ahead that I have to juggle several plans.  Sometimes I have to switch out things and rework a few because focusing only on one will make me stagnant.

 Chicago was also a part of my thoughts, little things like the weather or what would I be doing if I were there.   Visiting Kinston was just that, visiting.  I don’t think I could comfortably call it home anymore because then I think of the city and know that’s where I belong.

My mother asked me, “Do you call North Carolina home?”  I told her, ‘no.’   It’s where I’m from, but it’s not home anymore.   I also told her that I’m proud of my roots and won’t hesitate to talk about it with pride. 

I found myself getting bored, quickly, while visiting.  I wanted to get up and see things, but there was nowhere to go or nothing to see.  I keep telling myself I don’t belong there and that I need to do everything I can to keep myself in Chicago.   I’ll admit I haven’t done my very best, but now I understand what I’m fighting for and why. 

My life is exactly how it’s supposed to be which is in the beginning phase.  If I have to turn around and come back because things do not work out, so be it, because I can always come back when things are better. 

Sometimes you have to give something a try to understand what it takes.  You have to be bold and almost fearless to make a move.  Also you have to understand there’s no such thing as failure if you  have honestly tried.

I’m still getting my rejection emails from potential employers.  I used to get upset and thought I was this epic failure.  Then I numbed myself and that didn’t make things better either.  I ended up bottling it up and it came out in different forms.  Now, I can say I have become accepting and it has made me try harder.

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