Successful people don’t start an endeavor, any endeavor, anticipating failure. They want to win. They prepare to win. They expect to win. In sports, it’s pretty black and white. There can only be one winner, but they don’t count themselves out. They press on. In life, winning is often not as clearly defined. Often, we can make our own definitions. We can decide what winning will look like for us. Yet, we still have to want, prepare and expect to win. And it all starts with the expectation.

It breaks my heart and boils my blood when people expect to fail. Part of the reason, I chose to call my business Lose the Excuses because all too often people use excuses to bolster their expectation of failure. I was having a discussion with a young man who accepted, as a foregone conclusion, that he was going to end up in jail at some point or another. He didn’t think there was anything he could do about it.

He had no expectation of a life that didn’t involve time in the penal system. As a result, he didn’t really want anything different. He was resigned and accepting of his fate. It was just a matter of time.

Low or no expectations become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Every setback, every discouragement, and every negative occurrence becomes proof. It serves as a confirmation that they ‘couldn’t do it anyway.’ Their definition of success includes a very dangerous word, easy. If it isn’t easy, it isn’t meant to be. People with low expectations see obstacles as permanent blockades too high, too deep and too wide to overcome.

Low expectations take people ‘off the hook.’ You don’t have to do anything. There are little to no actions to take. There are no preparations to make. It is easy! Yet, the cost of that ease is high.

Those with higher expectations don’t have rose-colored glass naivete. They accept that there will be setbacks, discouragements and negative occurrences. The difference is that they see them as hurdles to be overcome. The word easy is not in their vocabulary.

More shocking still is how generational low expectations can be. They are passed down tragically from parent and child, resulting in entire communities that don’t have much of anything and don’t expect much more.

Breaking the cycle first involves being bold enough to expect something different, to want something more. The second step is to eliminate the notion of easy, accepting that change is difficult, but at the end of the day, worth it. Third, once the mindset is in place, prepare and plan for the change, including a plan for setbacks.

What does winning look like for you? What are you prepared to do to win?

You have a plan. You are committed to your plan. You are working your plan. But, something isn’t right. You are getting results, but you aren’t happy with the results you are getting. It isn’t what you expected. In fact, you aren’t even sure this is what you want anymore. You might even know that you don’t want it anymore. What should you do?

Well, a U-Turn might be in order.

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be an attorney. On rainy days, I’d play court in the basement. I would set up two TV trays, one representing the defense and the other the prosecution. For the judge, I moved one bar stool behind the bar and placed the ice breaker there so he could pound it and demand “Order in the court.” My teddy bear Curtis played all the witnesses. I would jump from tray to tray, examining and cross examining my ‘witness’ and occasionally I’d jump behind the bar and pound my mallet and make a ruling. What can I say, I was an only child.

When I got to college, I declared journalism as my undergraduate major. I thought the focus on writing and speaking would serve me well when I got to law school. There was one problem. By the time senior year rolled around, I had this nagging feeling that the law wasn’t for me. We had to take a number of law classes in –J-School, because the law plays such a major part in a lot of the news stories we’d be covering and I realized something. I didn’t like it.

I realized that I was in love with the idea of the law. I was in love with what I thought it was. The reality was something different entirely. And I didn’t like that reality.

My path was clear though. I was traveling in one direction. I was looking into law schools and my boyfriend at the time was looking into trying to get his commission somewhere near where I was going to be (based on the law school I chose). My father and my family were looking forward to having a lawyer in the family.

I made a U-Turn … and a pretty big one at that.

I decided not to go to law school. I couldn’t see spending three years and tens of thousands of dollars doing something I knew I didn’t want to do, something my heart was no longer in. I also knew, for a bunch of personal reasons, that I needed to end my relationship … and it really was me and not him. I just wasn’t ready.

My father and family still regret that I’m not a lawyer. I’m sure my ex- doesn’t regret the breakup, as he went on to meet and marry a wonderful woman and they have a great family. Regardless of what anyone else thinks or thought, what they feel or felt, I had to do something for me.

I disappointed everybody; but, I’m okay with that. I couldn’t live my life for them. I had to be true to myself. As the only one living my life, I’m the only one who controls when to put on the brakes, when to speed up and when to make a u-turn.

I’ve made a few more u-turns since then and I’ve taken my share of flack for those decisions but I’d rather chose my own path then have someone chose it for me or stay on the wrong path for fear of what someone else thinks.

When a driver makes a u-turn, it’s because he realizes that he’s going in the wrong direction and no matter how hard he tries, going the wrong way will never get him to his destination. Think about it.

 Karyn Beach is the editor of the P3 Power Boost. She is also a life coach and the author of e-book Get It Together Girl!: A 28-Day Guide to Practical NOT Perfect Home Organization.

Do what you love.

Shelly loved to write but she wasn’t able to translate that into a career. So now what? Well, what I’m about to say might rub some people the wrong way, but I’ll say it anyway. Maybe you shouldn’t quit your day job.

Doing what you love doesn’t have to mean doing it professionally. Doing what you love doesn’t mean it has to be your career. There are a variety of ways to fuel your passions.

In talking to Shelly, she took the do what you love mantra literally. She loved to write. She felt should be writing all day and making a living from it. If she wasn’t, she wasn’t a success. Meanwhile, she’s an award-winning property manager who enjoys her work. She is a success. Yet, that didn’t even register for her because she was so consumed with her rigid definition of writing success.

Doing what you love can manifest itself in a number of ways. As a writer, Shelly can fuel her passions by writing a blog, keeping a journal, writing freelance articles, writing for her church magazine or bulletin, writing poetry or trying her hand at writing a novel. There are a number of viable outlets for her. Likewise, a singer doesn’t have to be the next American Idol or a Platinum-selling artist. He can join the church choir or other choral group, become a regular at the local karoake club. If the passion is singing, then the goal should be to sing.

Now, your day job should be something you enjoy; it should be something you have an affinity for. You spend too many hours at work to hate it. Your ‘day job’ shouldn’t be something you endure until you get your big break.

All of us have been blessed with gifts. Some of us can find ways to join our passions and purpose with our professions. For the rest of us, the challenge is to look more broadly and find other ways to satisfy our talents and creativity.

My friend Timogi is an incredible woman. She is a poet, clothing designer, business woman and motivational speaker. She hosts what she calls Sistah Parties. At a Sistah Party , Timogi has a table filled with random kitschy knick knacks and two stacks of cards, one with quotes and one with questions. The women at the party each come up to the table and pick an item or a card and Timogi explains the significance and allow the women to discuss it. I love Sistah Parties and I’ve been to several. I never get bored because each party is different.

I attended a Sistah Party a few weeks ago and a woman got up and picked up what looked like a DNA molecule. She handed it to Timogi. Timogi looked at it and said, “Our DNA determines a lot of what makes us who we are. It determines our gender, our height and any number of things. But what we do with what our DNA has given us is up to us.” Then she went over to the woman who selected the molecule and handed it back to her. While she is holding it, Timogi said, “It’s in your hands .”

WOW…

So many times, we let our gender, our race, or our socioeconomic background define us. When we do that, we fail to realize that our destinies, the paths we choose and the choices we make, are really in our hands. It truly is up to us.

In 2010, the only thing that can stop us is us. I am an African-American woman, I recognize that those two factors play a role in who I am and how I experience this world. Yet, those things for me are filters. They are lens that help shape my perceptions.

They are not obstacles. They are not barriers. They will not stop me.

I don’t know you personally but I know that you have your struggles, your demons, and your complicated pasts. However you got to where you are, the rest is now up to you. It’s in your hands .

Karyn L. Beach is a life coach, corporate trainer and editor of the P3 Power Boost.

When we talk about getting rid of clutter, thoughts turn to the overstuffed closet, the packed garage and all the piles of papers and odd knick knacks that we have lying around the house. It makes sense to get rid of all of that excess stuff.

But when we talk about getting rid of clutter, we should also look at time clutter. When you get to the end of the day and you realize that you’ve done a lot but accomplished little, chances are you a victim of time clutter.

When clients lament about not having enough time, I just smile. We all have the same amount of time and sure children, long commutes, demanding bosses that demand ‘face time’ in the office, and family and social obligations play a role, almost all of us can find some time in their day … if we want to.

I talk to people who insist adamantly that they don’t have time and for those people, I don’t have much to say. They are convinced that they don’t have time and nothing I say will convince them otherwise… if this is you, stop reading now.

However, if you want to create more time in your day and get rid of time clutter, then consider the following.

Question Your Obligations : There is probably at least one thing you do that you can get rid of – social activities you no longer enjoy, extra assignments you took on. Do you really need to do those things? I started a photography club some years ago. It was supposed to be a casual club and basically a way for photographers to get together. Before long, I had over 60 members. I was taking dues, and spending hours every week looking for guest speakers and finding events. I began to loathe that club. I continued for about a year out of obligation but when I disbanded the club after that, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders; it was definitely the right thing to do.

Use Your Downtime : Use your work commute to listen to a book on tape. If you have a hands-free device, use that time to return phone calls. If you are waiting for the kids to finish a practice or a class, use that time to make your shopping list or to balance your checkbook. Time spent commuting on a train can be golden. I return calls while walking my dog. When I have a doctor’s appointment, I take something with me to do: checkbook, grocery list, to do list or just some reading I need to catch up on.

Be Strategic : If you don’t need to have a conversation, you just need to give someone some information, try returning calls during lunch time or in the early evening when the person isn’t likely to be in. If they aren’t around, you can leave a voicemail or better yet respond via email. Now, if you need questions answered or clarification on an issue, the best thing to do is pick up the phone and talk to the person. There is nothing more time consuming than having a conversation going back and forth voicemail. Emails that go back and forth are also major time wasters, if you are getting into a volley of emails, it’s probably best to just pick up the phone and call.

Be Mindful of Media : I know people who brag about not having time to watch TV. Yet, many of these people spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer: emailing, Facebooking, and surfing the Internet. In terms of media, moderation is key. Only watch TV shows that you truly enjoy. Set a time limit for how long you will be on the computer and honor it. You can almost always do with less TV and internet (but by all means, continue to read this blog!).

Start Earlier or End Later : Get up a half hour earlier or stay up a half hour later. Or split the difference get up 15 minutes early and stay up 15 minutes later. Use that time to get some little things done: laundry, chores around the house, returning emails. It can make a big difference.

Keep an eye out for time clutter. Once you become aware of it, you will begin finding pockets of time that can be used more effectively or areas that need to be de-cluttered.

January has been designated as Get Organized Month . January is the time for new beginnings, making resolutions and setting goals. Adding organization to that mix increases your chances of success.

Regardless of what your goals are, everything will run a little smoother with a little organization. Clearing clutter alone could eliminate 40% of household chores – freeing up valuable time that you could use to exercise, write that novel you’ve been thinking about, or spend some extra quality time with the family.

A little organization can go a long way to helping you eliminate extra stress. If your mornings run smoother, you will be setting a positive tone that can follow you through the day. Less stress can be a boon for you as well, if your goals include weight loss or smoking cessation.

Here are a few of the organization tips that have helped me the most.

A Proper Place or Space : Find a convenient and logical place for items you frequently misplace like keys, glasses and cell phones. I purchased a small stand with a single drawer that fits perfectly by my door. In it, I place my keys and the dog’s leash. It’s convenient because it’s right by the door and it’s easy to just throw my keys in it or on top of it.

List It : Before leaving work, take a minute or two to jot down everything you need to take care of tomorrow. This way you won’t leave with that nagging feeling that you’ve forgotten something. If you do think of something on the drive home, simply call your work voicemail and leave yourself a message! I also do a more general list at the end of the day for personal issues.

Hangers and Hampers : In the morning, when I dress, I hang my hangers on the closet door or place them on top of my hamper. In the evening, I get dressed standing in front of the hamper. Dirty clothes go in immediately. Since my hangers are easy to find, anything I can wear again gets hung up immediately too.

5 Night Time Minutes : I take five to ten minutes at the end of the day to prepare for the next day (lay out clothes, fix lunch, etc.). Just a few minutes at night can save valuable time and stress in the morning.

If you are interested in getting rid of clutter and getting a little more organized, I have an e-book called Get It Together Girl: A 28-Day Program for Practical NOT Perfect Home Organization . Each weekday features a 15-minute organization assignment. Weekends are optional. At the end of each week; I also give some tips on how to stay organized. Tips so simple that even husbands can do them!

The program includes the e-book, daily motivational audio tracks and access to the Get It Together Girl message board and community. The program usually costs $19.95. However, as a P3 Power Boost reader, you can get the program for just $14.95. Click here to take advantage of that offer.

I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier today and she was riding high on a wave of confidence. Over the weekend, she overcame a major fear. She’d been taking swimming lessons with her son and during her last lesson, she told her instructor that she wanted to jump off the diving board.

Diving was something she had never tried, in fact, the idea of just swimming in the deep end scared her. Yet, before she knew it, she was standing on the board looking down into 11.5 feet of water. Then she did it. She literally ‘took the plunge’.

She dove in and when she came back up, she did it again and then one more time after that.

Two days later at church, she got a ton of compliments on how good she looked. She called me today and told me with pride how she aced an interview she went on.

I could hear the confidence in her voice. She talked about her good couple of days and I pointed out to her that it wasn’t luck. It was her own doing. She took the plunge and overcame a major fear. It was that pride and that confidence that her fellow churchgoers saw beaming from her. That confidence and those compliments as well as all the hard work and effort she’s put into her job search, fueled her interview.

 What she is experiencing is a positive domino effect.

Most people see a domino effect as a negative – one bad thing happens and then another and another. But it works in the positive as well. One good thing can lead to another good thing and another good thing after that.

My friend has a lot to be proud of because she took control of her situation. She didn’t have to jump into the deep end but she did. She could have let the frustration of a protracted job search get to her, but she plugs away everyday always looking for new opportunities and ways to improve her portfolio, her resume and her job search techniques.

The hard work is starting to pay off and as all of these good dominoes start to fall, I can’t wait to see what is in store for her next!

Coming smack dab in the middle of February, arguably the coldest month of the year, is Valentine’s Day – a time to get warm with the glow of love!

Candy, flowers, jewelry, romantic cards and lavish candlelit dinners await many of us. Yet, for a significant number of people, the warm fuzzies and passionate embraces of Valentine’s Day give way to cold shoulders and icy glares as miscommunications, misperceptions and misunderstandings ruin the day.

When it comes to love, how we show it is just as important as feeling it. In his book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman discusses the different ways people express love and what has to happen for people to feel loved.

Let Love Rule When it comes to love, how we show it is just as important as feeling it. In his book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman discusses the different ways people express love and what has to happen for people to feel loved.

Some people need to hear it. “I love you.” The words matter. But more than the Big 3 they need other words as well. “Thank you.” “You look lovely in that sweater.” “I’m proud of you.” “You can do it.”

Some people want it wrapped in a bow. These people respond to gifts and gestures. This will get their attention and communicate your feelings about them.

Others need the physical expression. Words and gifts are nice but these people need to feel it. Whether it is making love or holding hands, a kiss or a nice hug, they need to get physical to feel loved.

Some people require time – quality time. They need time together sharing experiences, or in conversation or just being together and focused on each other.

Some people want you to work for it. For these people, it’s the acts of service that matter. Cooking a meal, getting a car fixed, running a bath, these are more than just chores, they are expressions of love and caring.

Problems occur when you and your partner have different styles. We tend to communicate with others in our language. You love to hear you are loved; but Hubby loves to be shown that he is loved. You telling him you love him may work for you, but it isn’t the best way to reach him. On the other hand, surprising you by getting your car washed and serviced is nice to you, but it isn’t exactly love.

Knowing your style is half the battle. Actually, knowing your style is a third of the battle. Knowing your partners style is the second third and communicating those styles (with examples!) to one another is the missing third.

Many a Valentine’s Day and countless relationships have been ruined by one word – should . It’s not about what he should know or what she should have done. To be fair, it can only be about what you have communicated directly to your partner. Take the guess work and assumptions out of it and be clear about stating your needs.