By Lisa Thomas

It was a spring like day when I sat down with Ester Nicholson. I found her particularly fascinating because of her big gentle spirit and heart. Somehow I knew I’d discover more pearls of wisdom within Ester than I could imagine so I was thrilled to hear her story.

And I was right. Ester has graced the stage with many icons, like Rod Stewart, Bette Midler, Beyonce and others. She’s appeared on Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, The View, and The Tonight Show.

She’s no stranger to the music world. She comes from a family of songbirds. Her brothers and sisters have sang with great gospel legends, like Swan Silvertones ,  Highway QC and Shirley Ceaser.

Ester was born singing.  She even spoke of singing as the “trees” listened as her audience when she just a little girl.  Music is in her soul and it has taken her many places.
However, I wouldn’t say Ester’s life has always been an easy one though. She accounts her days as a drug user and the addiction of that.

She speaks of Domestic Violence and losing her ability to sing after not singing for a very long time. I love what she describes about her past. She shares how her past was necessary. It was the preparation she needed to open her mind and heart to see a higher and greater purpose for her life.  Wow! How wonderful it is to see your greatness and how it developed from past experiences.

You’ll hear her describe the very day things took a turn that led her to 25 years of sobriety. She offers an understanding of how “being ready” to align “yourself” with the universe brings about unimaginable results.

She has accomplished a lot and experienced most dream of, yet her journey continues.

Ester has transformed from being a recording artist and performer into the larger purpose for which she was born – to offer practical steps to wholeness regardless of what your experience has been. She travels across the country facilitating workshops, speaking and creating inspirational music.

I can’t think of a better voice for freedom than Ester Nicholson. Sit back and enjoy my girl talk with her. Bring a pen and pad. You’ll find valuable gems for life in her story!

Lisa Thomas provides Life Coaching For Women. Her mission is empowering women worldwide.

Lisa  is the President and CEO of The P3 Group, Inc, Vision and Leadership Support Coach and Visionary for Women. Featured on NBC’s My Carolina Today, Charlotte Today, World Puja Network, Dr. Pat Show and Conscious Talk Radio. For more information about this segment or a 60 min Power Session, contact Lisa at 910 221 9294 or 704 909 7663. Visit the website at http://www.TheP3Group.com.

For media inquiries or speaking engagements, contact Annika Murray at 678 807 9486.

Drug addiction was one of many addictions.  My first addiction was love.  No matter what the cost, if my attention fixated on one particular man, I would do anything to make him love me.  I look back now, and can’t believe the crap I accepted from the men in my life, thinking, hoping, praying, wishing that they loved me.  More importantly, I have compassion for myself with the understanding that at that time, I didn’t love me, or think that I was worthy of love.  The men in my life mirrored back to me exactly the way I felt about myself.  They showed up as my angels clothed in the form of my deepest wounds.

Excerpt from soon to be released “She Lives” This wasn’t the first time Mark put his hands on me in a violent way.  I’ll never forget when he spent the night at my house verbally and physically abusing me.  He tried to ram my head into a concrete wall.  I was able to escape his grasp and run down the street to the telephone booth to call the police.  I ran past a few guys coming outside of a store, and I said to them “please help me, my boyfriend is beating me up”, and one of the guys looked at me and said, “a man has a right to do what he wants with is woman”.  Even then, I couldn’t believe it.   I made it to the telephone booth and dialed 911, but Mark came up behind me and slammed the phone down before I could talk to the dispatcher.  I fought him off and picked up the phone and dialed again.  He slammed the phone down again.  So, I gave up.  He took me by the hand to lead me back to my apartment, but before we got there, five police cars surrounded us.  They had traced the call I had tried to make.  They jumped out of their cars and asked if I was the one who made the call.  I told them yes, and that I was having a problem with my boyfriend.  This one police woman looked me straight in the eye and said “did he hit you”?  Mark looked like a deer in headlights.  He was scared shitless.  I averted my eyes from the policewoman, and said, “No, he did not hit me”. So, I would go and get high, blow all my money and then sleep with a stranger for drugs.  I would tell myself it served him right for being such a jerk, but of course, the real reason was, it paid for my drugs when I was out of money.  But I was also trying to make myself feel better about being so powerless and out of control.  I was hurting so badly, and felt so rejected and abandoned, I thought if I slept with someone else, even though drugs was one of the payoffs, it would somehow hurt this man that held my distorted attention in every waking moment, and who one minute gave me his heart, and the next, would leave me, abandoned, beaten and broken again.

Domestic violence was a huge part of my life growing up.  The way things were handled in my family, in particular with my siblings, were with violence.  I saw family members with black eyes and bloody noses one day, and cuddled up with the spouse that did it the next. I thought this was love.  I thought this was how it was done in relationships.  I thought the way you responded to a disagreement was with rage, screaming and hitting.  So, I lived that pattern out in my own life.  I attracted men in my life, where we were perfect mirrors for each other’s sorrow, rage and ignorance.

Healing is possible.  It’s a long road from such a depth of low self-worth to self-love, and there are days when you might feel like you can never have anything better, because the scars are so deep, and the patterns are so etched in your consciousness.  You might feel like giving up, but don’t. Keep on growing, keep going, you’ll make it.  In quoting another amazing woman, Hillary Clinton in her 2008 democratic speech, she says “By following the example of a brave New Yorker , a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.   And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.  If you hear the dogs, keep going.  If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.  If they’re shouting after you, keep going.  Don’t ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”

So, I say to you, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, or what your own habitual negative thinking is telling you, you are worthy, you are deserving of an amazing, loving, healthy life.  The road will seem dark and endless, but your life is right down that road.  Don’t give up on yourself before the miracle happens.  You’re worth it. I’ll be your testimony, until you can be your own.

Peace to you beloved,

Ester

Within that cycle, of course, variations exist—a dry winter or a mild fall—but we always can rely on the rhythm. One season follows the other. It’s a comfortable predictability in a world that often seems to be wildly unpredictable.

Luckily, it is possible to tap into that natural cycle, to bring into both our personal and professional lives a greater sense of flow and order.

It’s time for one of my favorite seasons. Is spring one of yours? In spring, everything is glistening, green and new. There is a feeling of expansion and a sense of renewal and reawakening. Seeds start to grow. People get outside more, becoming reacquainted with their gardens. We take on spring-cleaning projects and clear out clutter.

Have you considered how this season of new beginnings will impact you? Are you ready to reap what you sow? Here are some ideas to consider for both your personal and professional growth.

A few personal activities that align with spring:

What have you always longed to do? Perhaps you want to write a book or teach a class or foster a child. Let this be the year you take action on your dream! Find out what is keeping you from moving forward. Allow the rebirth of spring to inspire you to achieve your dreams and passions!

Is this the time to start developing a healthier lifestyle? We see our neighbors out walking dogs, jogging down the sidewalk or even playing an adult softball game. Challenge yourself to move from inspiration to action! Best of all, you’ll be able to leverage your new, invigorated burst of energy as you work toward meeting your other goals.

Notice, as well, if the seeds you’ve already planted are starting to sprout. Tend to them carefully, giving them ample time to grow. Perhaps this is a personal relationship. Have you noticed a positive change? Remember, it doesn’t have to be the BIG one. Are you curious about where this could lead? Take a risk and see where it takes you!

As a parent we are always looking for those sprouts of change. Celebrate the opportunity to cultivate the crops of our future! Recently I attended a Broadway History Class with my dramatic daughter and a Bible study class with my very intuitive daughter. You can imagine the conversation that followed each session! However, you can have unexpected quality time during a ride home from a practice, at the dinner table or even when you are planting a garden together. Spring is a perfect season for exploring these opportunities.

A few professional activities that align with spring:

Plant your own seeds by designing one or two new products or services for your organization. It’s a gift to allow you to dream. Always imagine how your success will look and feel. We often miss our own successes. What may seem crazy in the beginning could be the start of a really positive idea. So, give yourself lots of time for brainstorming and collaboration before honing your ideas. Sometimes it even helps to conceive the idea, walk away from it, and then edit your creation. Fine-tuning is the key!

When you’re ready, create a detailed launch plan with action steps and a timeline. Have you ever seen a brilliant idea die because the implementation seemed overwhelming? As we coaches suggest, break it down into manageable parts. Maybe even “storyboard” the process using simple post-its to organize (and re-organize) your tasks and timelines. However, as a special mentor of mine always reminded me, you eventually you have to “shoot.” You simply can’t wait for the ultimate perfection.

By tailoring some of what you do to the natural rhythms that allow, sustain and renew all life on earth, you might just find that your life and work are likewise supported, as they deepen, grow and prosper.

Ask yourself what other seeds you would like to sow—and what others already are starting to sprout. I encourage you to post your stories on the P3 Power Blast blog. You may be the one to plant the right seed and harvest an opportunity for another powerful, passionate and purposeful woman!

Jeannette Rudy Fitzwater, CEO and Founder of JR Fitzwater and Associates, is a Registered Corporate Coach who assists individuals and organizations transition through key changes. For additional information we invite you to visit www.jrfitzwater.com.

Maybe, you didn’t catch on to it, but I have a problem with comparing myself to other people.  Recently, I was questioned about my greatness.  No,  really someone asked me, “What makes you so great?”  It was thrown in my face that my bank account wasn’t plentiful and that i didn’t have some impressive career.   If this had been a year or even a few months ago I would’ve been in tears.  All I could think was, ‘Is this person seriously asking me this?’  I was also deemed an “wannabe” writer.

You know something?  I laughed.  I can perform a Google search on my blog and it shows up.  If you type in my name you’ll find articles.   I have the privilege of sharing my life lessons and experiences with you all every month with open arms from the editorial staff.  No, I’m not at some major nationally circulated print publication.  I’m perfectly happy where I am with my writing.  I can do exactly what and when I want.  If I feel the urge to pitch stories around the city then I do it.  Don’t get me wrong it’s great to be connected with fellow writers in “higher” places.  Right now, if someone cannot connect me to a publisher owner chances are I won’t land a job.   It’s a game of nepotism and more than who you know, it’s what’s their rank?  I’m not in college anymore hoping to get to talk to an editor who usually gave me advice and never spoke to them again.  Then I needed it and to this day I truly appreciated it because I’ve learned that I must make my own way.

As for my bank account?  Money never has or never will make me.

My professional career?  I do a variety of jobs to make it and works.  Writing is something that I do that makes me feel good, but it isn’t who I am.

So what is it that makes Lauren Wilder aka Wilder in Real Life so great?   I could sit here and market myself to you, but if you have to ask go ahead and shoot me an email.  No, seriously.

It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I can say, “I love you, Lauren, with all my heart.”  Since I’ve gotten here I can let things roll off more of course I get upset and disappointed.  Then I have to remind myself others don’t define me, I do.  I’m sharing this with you all as not a tangent, an epiphany, or some ego trip.  I’m sharing this because if you’re not to the point where you don’t let the material things, career, and aesthetics define you…then something is coming to shake everything.

There’s a poem called “Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why” by Nikki Giovanni;  I try to remain humble, but man does this poem make me smile.
I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat’s meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can’t catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother’s day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men intone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean…I…can fly
like a bird in the sky…

What’s Wilder up to?

Walk the halls of elementary school and you’ll lose count of how many times a teacher says, “No pushing!” Nobody likes to be pushed; it’s not a good feeling. Throughout this journey of life we hit road blocks and other unpredictable obstacles. Some of us have the ability to be transparent about our setbacks and can easily express those feelings. Others of us are the opposite. We don’t open up to express the feelings or even share our stories about things we’ve experienced; or so it seems.

I am one of those people and I happen to know people who are like me. To outsiders we’re cold, closed off,  and emotionally distant. What they don’t know is that we are the exact opposite; it’s just we are selective about who we open up to, when we do it, where we do it, and how we do it. Yet, we are constantly being pushed to open up! Others want us to talk to them and confide in them. They want us to have these emotional breakdown moments or purge ourselves. Push. Push. Push. STOP!

Chances are when you push you will be pushed back. People like me push back by closing up. The more others nag us to open up to them, the more we retreat into ourselves or ignore the nagging. Either way we’re not going to open up to the person pushing us. Oh, you want to know how to get us to open up? The answer is simply this: stop pushing.

Were you expecting something more profound? It truly is that simple. Ask us our opinion of something; chances are we’ll come full circle and relate it to us. Don’t put us in the spotlight or catch us off guards. Don’t nag, don’t pry, don’t push; instead sit beside us and be quiet…we’ll talk.

By Lisa Thomas,

Hurry up already, What’s taking so long?!?

When I’m standing in a room full of professional  and business women speaking on this subject, I often say, ” you know….. “patience” …..my fellow leaders,      really is a virtue!!!”

Read on!

I’d gotten a live pot of tulips for mother’s day last year and they were absolutely gorgeous.  Because I love plants and seeing their growth, I was excited that I would have a chance to experience tulips for a bit longer than just this one time.  So I watched them grow taller and taller week by week.

One day I decided it was time to re- pot their beauty so they could grow even larger. Soon after being transferred the tulips slowly wilted and died…no more beautiful tulips!

But for me there was hope.

Having a green thumb, I thought no problem, I’ll just see what happens if I water the soil for a while. Surely tulips will reappear again. Now, I knew nothing about tulips, but I did know that if I water a soiled seed; in this case a bulb, something would soon grow.

So I began watering the soil as I did my other plants, watching every month or so to see if something would reappear. I’d longed to see the multicolored tulips like before, but after several months I saw nothing.  In fact, one day it looked like the dirt was turning a moldy gray color.

Would I ever see the tulips?

I began to worry after about 7 months. Had I killed it by moving and disturbing the soil too soon? Had I over watered it? I was plagued with thoughts of how I must’ve done something wrong!

I should’ve seen something by now.  My other plants had grown so much since this one entered the family.  But in spite of my worries, I chalked it all up and still watered the soil.

Another month passed and nothing.  Frustration had now begun to set in. I mean all this work and no plant, just moldy dirt. I couldn’t take it anymore so I finally went to the store and bought a small tiny plant that I admired and place it on top of the soil. I had to have something to deal with my mind about this watered soil not producing my beautiful flowers when“I” had expected.

Sometimes we’re like that about other things in life, right?  We get impatient with ourselves and others because we don’t see the results we’ve been longing for “when” we want them.  In fact, in some cases we stop dead in our tracks, because we’re working real hard or so we think and there’s no harvest that we can physically see.  It doesn’t come fast enough so we quit. Little do we know the harvest is about to take shape. It is germinating, finding it’s way to the universe; the physical world for all to see.  Rather than wait, we “kill it” right there at that critical point when things are about to break through.

I deliberately put the small plant on top of the soil I’d been watering to trick and train my mind into thinking my works were not in vain.

After a month of training my brain,  I removed the small plant and there I saw something peek through the soil. It was the beginning of life; it had forced it’s way to the surface.  It took 9 months of constant watering, nurturing and caring for the soil to see something come through – 9 months!!!!…Sort of like birth. It takes 9 months to birth a child. The baby is conceived which we cannot physically see but the process and system of creating life is happening. It’s happening  “inside the mother” so that life can emerge fully equipped for the world after the 9 month period has passed.

How many times have you started to venture into something new and just before things pop, you get mad and quit?

Many of my clients who are successful business women and executives find themselves in this predicament time and time again. There’s something they want to achieve but have never done, and they want it so bad they can taste it. The problem lies in wanting it right now or on their time line. But sometimes a big harvest doesn’t come right away.

The system and time line for growth is an unknown factor, yet they operate like they know how long it takes.

Most of the time, we under estimate the manifestation time line and we lose faith in our abilities to produce. Small milestones are necessary to trick the brain into “knowing” you can and will produce.  Les Brown once said, “we don’t truly know our potential because we aim too low and make it rather than aim too high and miss”. I believe you should and can aim high, however set milestones that help you see the results.  Let’s face it the world wants results and so do you. Set yourself up to win.

I didn’t know a lot about tulips, but I knew that a watered seed in the right soil that’s cared for in a systematic way would produce a harvest. I also knew that depending on the plant, the time line could be a month or several months to fully come into physical existence.

If you ever find yourself wanting to give up and give in, wait a while and stay the course. Nurture your soul as I did by training your brain that there are results being produced.  Give yourself a break and acknowledge things are just delayed by your time line but not by the time line of growth.  After all, with a big goal, you aren’t always certain how long it really takes anyway, but you do know consistency produces. Enjoy the journey and watch the riches of life manifest!!!

Lisa Thomas provides Life Coaching for Women. Her mission is empowering women worldwide. She is a Expert Success and Leadership Coach, host of The P3 Power Boost Radio Show and Visionary for Women. Lisa has been featured on NBC, Fox 8 News and various radio shows around the country.

Contact her directly for your Private P3 Power Session where you will begin the journey of discovery. It will be the best 60 minutes of your life. Remember, power, passion and purpose begins with the spirit of who you are.

For a private P3 Power Session, media inquiries, speaking engagements and free life changing videos, visit http://www.theP3Group.com

“When we are born we come into the world fully equipped with nothing lacking, nothing missing; it is only our thoughts, our feelings and our emotions that drive us into thinking that we are inadequate”…..Lisa Thomas

Three Things to Watch for That Could Get Your Business Issued a Warning Ticket

By Chia-Li Chien

It was a sunny, early spring day and we were on our way to the North Carolina Zoo. While traveling on Highway 49 and enjoying the scenery, we noticed a state trooper. Sure enough, as soon as we made eye contact, we got pulled over. The officer asked my husband T.C. why he was not wearing a seat belt. Well, due to his torn left shoulder, he wore it differently. The state trooper collected his information while we waited silently in the car with T.C.’s favorite NPR show “Car Talk” now turned off. The trooper came back with a warning ticket and informed T.C. that unless he had a doctor’s order, he must wear the seat belt the correct way, meaning visible and not under the arm. It was a relief that T.C. just got a warning ticket, nevertheless, it’s on his driving record now.

In small business, no one polices your business, not even the IRS. Your CPA and the IRS don’t really care whether or not you make a profit, although if you do make a profit, you may end up owing them more money. But they don’t serve as your “cash police.”

How often have you wondered, “how come there is no cash in the business checking account?”

Here are three warnings to be aware of if you want your business to continue to create value. Remember, no one is policing your business but you.

1.       Negative Net Profit – Perhaps you don’t know your net profit until your CPA completes your tax return. I would say that all of my clients do check their profit and loss (P&L) statement on a monthly basis. If you don’t, you should get in the habit of checking that P&L on a regular basis to know whether or not you are running your business with a positive net profit. If you are, congratulations, but if you are not, you just got yourself a “warning ticket.” Analyses are needed before you slash expenses. You might want to start by looking at which product or service can bring in more net profit. Or look at which customers are more profitable than others and why. Often time, increasing company revenue is the best way to get in the black. However, positive net profit does not necessarily mean you’ll have cash in your business checking account, especially if the business is carrying a huge debt that may or may not show on your P&L statement.

2.       Negative Cash Flow – While you are checking your monthly financial statements, you might want also to check your cash flow statement. This tells you how much cash you have on hand. If you have negative cash flow for a while, you may begin to feel like you are running on a treadmill. Borrowing working capital from the bank or an infusion of investment capital may not solve the problem.  Cash Flow Formula:

Net Profit from Business

+     Accounts Receivable at Start

-      Accounts Receivable at End

+     Inventory at Start

-      Inventory at End

+     Accounts Payable at End

-      Accounts Payable at Start

+     Cash from Assets SOLD

-      Cash Paid to Purchase New Assets

+     Depreciation/Amortization

-      Debt at Start

+     Debt at End

=     Cash Flow

By looking at this formula, you can see there are many variables to determine cash flow. For example, you might have positive net profit, yet a huge amount of accounts payable on large outstanding debts. It will be hard to breathe if your business shows a positive net profit, but has very little cash or even a negative cash flow. If you have negative cash flow, your business just got another “warning ticket.”

3.       Not enough Return On Investment – Take the business net profit divided by total assets and you get your return on investment (ROI). Have you done this calculation for your business yet? There are many industry benchmarks you can compare to determine if you have adequate ROI. There are two other types of ROI:

Product ROI = Gross Margin / (Average Inventory + Average Accounts Receivable)

(of that particular product)

Customer ROI = Average Accounts Receivable / Gross Profits

(of that particular customer)

Obviously, you must have GOOD financial data in order to analyze your business. Sometimes it may take up to an entire year to get data clean enough to accurately complete the above analyses and avoid those “warning tickets.” Your CPA may provide such a service on a regular basis for you. If this is very foreign to you, hire a fractional or virtual CFO (Chief Financial Officer) for your business to monitor these vital signs on a monthly basis. That CFO is your safety belt, there to make sure that you not only avoid any “ warning tickets” that go on your record, but also to make sure you don’t endanger yourself and others while on the road.

As a business leader, you’re not only responsible for you and your family, but also people whose families rely on you. So be aware of the warning signals and make sure you are enjoying the ride and not attracting the negative attention that might get you a “warning ticket.” This is fundamental in building value for your business.

Chia-Li Chien, CFP®, CRPC, PMP; helps women entrepreneurs in creating business value that transforms their world.  She is the Award-Winning author of Show Me The Money and columnist for WomenEntrepreneur.com & Fox Business online.   She is available for consulting, speaking engagements and workshops.  She can be reached at http://www.chialichien.com or jolly@chialichien.com.

So I was getting dressed this morning and admiring my body when I began to realize……

In society we are obsessed with thinness and this idea of perfection when in all actuality the idea or thought of even trying to achieve it is simply a waste of our times.

I look at it like this:

“All of my body imperfections make me who I am.

Every stretch marks,blemish, and bruise adds personality to what I call uniquely my body.

Its my zebra print. Its my style. Its what makes me…..me.

I love my body.

Start loving yours.”

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say
`I love her for her smile … her look … her way
Of speaking gently, … for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day’
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,–and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou may’st love on, through love’s eternity.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I was introduced to this poem in 12^th grade English IV. It was one of my favorites along with Shakespeare’s, “Sonnet 18.”  Of course in class we had to dissect this poem in order to understand its meaning. For me this was an easy task, however, at the time it was simply a class assignment; another activity for a grade. I had done nothing more than translate the English of that time period into the English of 2002. Here it is eight years later and I read this poem with the eyes and heart of a 25 year old who has yet to be someone’s girlfriend, who didn’t get asked to either prom, and who’s been told several times, “I wish I met you first.” Oh! I can’t forget my all time favorite that I affectionately call, “I like you as a friend, but I’m gonna treat you like my girlfriend and expect you to not be confused with my actions or words.” Throughout the course of these past eight years I believe I’ve only loved 3 of the people I encountered.

Reread the poem; I’ll wait.

How easy it is to love someone for their looks, money, or social status.  There’s nothing difficult or organic about loving someone because they have a nice BMW or can get you into the most posh night clubs for free. When you love a person for their tangible items you don’t love the person; you love the items. True, all will provide a whirl pool of fun and luxury, but things of this nature fade away with time. As Elizabeth says in the poem, “For these things in themselves, Beloved, may be changed, or change for thee…” According to this poem we should love for the sake of love and nothing more. In order to love for the sake of love, we must define love. Is that even possible?

I cannot conjure up a coherent definition for love. I have tried and each time I come up empty handed. My incoherent babbling loosely translated means: love is an unexplainable feeling that evokes so many other emotions, but at the end of the day you want nothing more than to be in the presence of the person who causes these emotions. Referring back to those 3 people I mentioned earlier I can say that I loved for the sake of love. I wasn’t in love; hell I wasn’t even the girlfriend. Nope, as usual I was just the “friend.” However, I did love all three of them. Were they good looking? Yes, absolutely. Were they smart? Yes, each in their own way. Were they rich? Hell no. Were they fun to be around? Yes indeed. None of these were the reason I loved them. These were attributes that I found attractive and adored, but not what moved me to love them.

I loved them for the sheer sake of loving; in the moment. I will admit that I opened up to the 1^st one and expressed my feelings. Before I tell the response I received let me inform you of what I said to this person, “It’s obvious that you love *insert name here* more than you love me. I do love you, but if you’re happier with *insert name here* then I’m willing to let you go so you can be happy. We can’t continue the way we are, because my feelings will grow stronger and yours won’t; so please go be happy.” You would think after I said this the response would’ve been peaceful. HA! It wasn’t. Instead, I was met with a brash myriad of comments that really hurt. No need to rehash those words. I told a friend I wouldn’t let this situation affect the way I treat the next people I encounter.

I fell back on my word and for years didn’t open up to anyone. The next 2 people I encountered probably felt my frigid and sometimes distant aura. I loved them for the sake of love just as I did the first person, but I believe the day I parted my lips to say something it was too late. What Elizabeth doesn’t write about in this poem is how the sake of love comes in a cute tote bag called, “fear.” For those of us, like myself, who have been hurt our little tote back has conveniently turned into a nice U.S. Army sized rucksack. We harbor our love for another in the rucksack of fear; lost in its numerous pockets. We push away the person we love, yet manage to continue loving them. I’ve come to realize that the person who gets hurt the most is not the one with the rucksack; it’s the one they love. Those of you who have someone with a rucksack of fear you have to help them out. When they push you away, only stay away if that’s what you truly want. If you don’t want that then extend your hand and show that you aren’t going to hurt them. Trust, they will take it.

There are different types of love and different ways to love. One thing we can all agree on is that loving someone is an unpredictable adventure. If given the option to have loving someone be predictable, I’d politely decline. Part of the human existence is learning through experiences. How can we accurately learn what love is and is not if we don’t experience it? Yes, love is a type of language that has to be taught, but once you learn to speak it and be open to receive it…priceless.

I asked my Tweeple to @scommentary and tell me why they loved someone. Enjoy their responses along with mine.

“I love u b/c u bring out the best & worst in me…that’s talent…annoying as hell, but still talent”

“Because it’s easy to do. It’s like breathing to me.”

“I love u b/c u r the Angel to my Hancock. Don’t know why. Will nvr figure it out. Just be.”

“Because I see the person they’re destined to be under the shell of the person they currently are.”

“I love u b/c it’s easy & fun.”

“I love u b/c u’ve good intentions, but poor execution.”

“It’s easy because although it may hurt at times it’s worth it.”

“Because God told me to love them as I love myself and I’m soooo in love with me”

“I love you b/c u’ve a beautiful spirit”

“I love him because he reminds me of my daddy. I love him because he is the human form of God’s love for me. #heartmelting”

“I love u b/c I met u in the a calmness of a warm summer night filled w/Caribbean riddims”

Love with sincerity. Love with no boundaries. Love for the sake of loving.

It seems like another quote for the books like “getting sexy or groove back,” but for Leakes, many unhappy people, and myself it’s not.  Maybe it’s a good thing if it becomes a trending topic on Twitter or some motivation quote to used in commercials.   If it this gets marketed, I want my cut.

Anyway,  I read an article on this month’s topic in March 2011 issue of Essence Magazine.

As I flipped toward the end of the magazine I came across the piece titled, “The Happiness Quest.”  Now, I’ve been on this quest for a minute, but this made me smile as I agreed with a few of the the ideas that I practice:

• Turning off the television.  Don’t live through these people, go do something.
• Surrounding thyself with happy people.
• Be optimistic.   Even pretend and you’ll start to believe it.
• Stop complaining, but it’s OK to vent.

I suggest if you need a bit of help figuring that out then this a nice little guide without having to hide in the “self help” section of the bookstore.

Going back to Leakes, it feels like a fictional character in a book who is going through hard time, but she’s real right on the screen into my living room.  You see the turmoil in her marriage and her spark begins to fade.  I don’t know this woman from a can of paint, but I definitely feel for her.  Honestly, I think a lot of her blowups are attributed to her stress.  I remember an episode where she was in bed and a friend who’s not a member of the cast came by.  Leakes said something on the lines of not wanting to see anyone or do anything.  I thought to myself that this woman needs to run towards happiness, now.

Everything you want in life requires work, period, even your peace.  When you really want something you’ll do everything in your power to get it.  Let the people, the job, the house, or even a coat* go just so you can find that place of joy.

A few days prior to writing this installment I listened to a song, “Dog Days Are Over,” by Florence + the Machine.  It talks about how the rough times are over, but run from happiness because the end result will be unhappiness again.  That’s life and everything is temporary though some periods last longer than others.

Point blank you have to want it and not be afraid of getting hurt because that’s the inevitable.  If you push for happiness the days of your life then disappointment will be taken like a grain of salt.  I had to reevaluate my reason for being in Chicago for the umpteenth time, it’s silly really.   I came here to start my life and what comes next is in my hands.