Drug addiction was one of many addictions.  My first addiction was love.  No matter what the cost, if my attention fixated on one particular man, I would do anything to make him love me.  I look back now, and can’t believe the crap I accepted from the men in my life, thinking, hoping, praying, wishing that they loved me.  More importantly, I have compassion for myself with the understanding that at that time, I didn’t love me, or think that I was worthy of love.  The men in my life mirrored back to me exactly the way I felt about myself.  They showed up as my angels clothed in the form of my deepest wounds.

Excerpt from soon to be released “She Lives” This wasn’t the first time Mark put his hands on me in a violent way.  I’ll never forget when he spent the night at my house verbally and physically abusing me.  He tried to ram my head into a concrete wall.  I was able to escape his grasp and run down the street to the telephone booth to call the police.  I ran past a few guys coming outside of a store, and I said to them “please help me, my boyfriend is beating me up”, and one of the guys looked at me and said, “a man has a right to do what he wants with is woman”.  Even then, I couldn’t believe it.   I made it to the telephone booth and dialed 911, but Mark came up behind me and slammed the phone down before I could talk to the dispatcher.  I fought him off and picked up the phone and dialed again.  He slammed the phone down again.  So, I gave up.  He took me by the hand to lead me back to my apartment, but before we got there, five police cars surrounded us.  They had traced the call I had tried to make.  They jumped out of their cars and asked if I was the one who made the call.  I told them yes, and that I was having a problem with my boyfriend.  This one police woman looked me straight in the eye and said “did he hit you”?  Mark looked like a deer in headlights.  He was scared shitless.  I averted my eyes from the policewoman, and said, “No, he did not hit me”. So, I would go and get high, blow all my money and then sleep with a stranger for drugs.  I would tell myself it served him right for being such a jerk, but of course, the real reason was, it paid for my drugs when I was out of money.  But I was also trying to make myself feel better about being so powerless and out of control.  I was hurting so badly, and felt so rejected and abandoned, I thought if I slept with someone else, even though drugs was one of the payoffs, it would somehow hurt this man that held my distorted attention in every waking moment, and who one minute gave me his heart, and the next, would leave me, abandoned, beaten and broken again.

Domestic violence was a huge part of my life growing up.  The way things were handled in my family, in particular with my siblings, were with violence.  I saw family members with black eyes and bloody noses one day, and cuddled up with the spouse that did it the next. I thought this was love.  I thought this was how it was done in relationships.  I thought the way you responded to a disagreement was with rage, screaming and hitting.  So, I lived that pattern out in my own life.  I attracted men in my life, where we were perfect mirrors for each other’s sorrow, rage and ignorance.

Healing is possible.  It’s a long road from such a depth of low self-worth to self-love, and there are days when you might feel like you can never have anything better, because the scars are so deep, and the patterns are so etched in your consciousness.  You might feel like giving up, but don’t. Keep on growing, keep going, you’ll make it.  In quoting another amazing woman, Hillary Clinton in her 2008 democratic speech, she says “By following the example of a brave New Yorker , a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.   And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.  If you hear the dogs, keep going.  If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.  If they’re shouting after you, keep going.  Don’t ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”

So, I say to you, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, or what your own habitual negative thinking is telling you, you are worthy, you are deserving of an amazing, loving, healthy life.  The road will seem dark and endless, but your life is right down that road.  Don’t give up on yourself before the miracle happens.  You’re worth it. I’ll be your testimony, until you can be your own.

Peace to you beloved,

Ester

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say
`I love her for her smile … her look … her way
Of speaking gently, … for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day’
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,–and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou may’st love on, through love’s eternity.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I was introduced to this poem in 12^th grade English IV. It was one of my favorites along with Shakespeare’s, “Sonnet 18.”  Of course in class we had to dissect this poem in order to understand its meaning. For me this was an easy task, however, at the time it was simply a class assignment; another activity for a grade. I had done nothing more than translate the English of that time period into the English of 2002. Here it is eight years later and I read this poem with the eyes and heart of a 25 year old who has yet to be someone’s girlfriend, who didn’t get asked to either prom, and who’s been told several times, “I wish I met you first.” Oh! I can’t forget my all time favorite that I affectionately call, “I like you as a friend, but I’m gonna treat you like my girlfriend and expect you to not be confused with my actions or words.” Throughout the course of these past eight years I believe I’ve only loved 3 of the people I encountered.

Reread the poem; I’ll wait.

How easy it is to love someone for their looks, money, or social status.  There’s nothing difficult or organic about loving someone because they have a nice BMW or can get you into the most posh night clubs for free. When you love a person for their tangible items you don’t love the person; you love the items. True, all will provide a whirl pool of fun and luxury, but things of this nature fade away with time. As Elizabeth says in the poem, “For these things in themselves, Beloved, may be changed, or change for thee…” According to this poem we should love for the sake of love and nothing more. In order to love for the sake of love, we must define love. Is that even possible?

I cannot conjure up a coherent definition for love. I have tried and each time I come up empty handed. My incoherent babbling loosely translated means: love is an unexplainable feeling that evokes so many other emotions, but at the end of the day you want nothing more than to be in the presence of the person who causes these emotions. Referring back to those 3 people I mentioned earlier I can say that I loved for the sake of love. I wasn’t in love; hell I wasn’t even the girlfriend. Nope, as usual I was just the “friend.” However, I did love all three of them. Were they good looking? Yes, absolutely. Were they smart? Yes, each in their own way. Were they rich? Hell no. Were they fun to be around? Yes indeed. None of these were the reason I loved them. These were attributes that I found attractive and adored, but not what moved me to love them.

I loved them for the sheer sake of loving; in the moment. I will admit that I opened up to the 1^st one and expressed my feelings. Before I tell the response I received let me inform you of what I said to this person, “It’s obvious that you love *insert name here* more than you love me. I do love you, but if you’re happier with *insert name here* then I’m willing to let you go so you can be happy. We can’t continue the way we are, because my feelings will grow stronger and yours won’t; so please go be happy.” You would think after I said this the response would’ve been peaceful. HA! It wasn’t. Instead, I was met with a brash myriad of comments that really hurt. No need to rehash those words. I told a friend I wouldn’t let this situation affect the way I treat the next people I encounter.

I fell back on my word and for years didn’t open up to anyone. The next 2 people I encountered probably felt my frigid and sometimes distant aura. I loved them for the sake of love just as I did the first person, but I believe the day I parted my lips to say something it was too late. What Elizabeth doesn’t write about in this poem is how the sake of love comes in a cute tote bag called, “fear.” For those of us, like myself, who have been hurt our little tote back has conveniently turned into a nice U.S. Army sized rucksack. We harbor our love for another in the rucksack of fear; lost in its numerous pockets. We push away the person we love, yet manage to continue loving them. I’ve come to realize that the person who gets hurt the most is not the one with the rucksack; it’s the one they love. Those of you who have someone with a rucksack of fear you have to help them out. When they push you away, only stay away if that’s what you truly want. If you don’t want that then extend your hand and show that you aren’t going to hurt them. Trust, they will take it.

There are different types of love and different ways to love. One thing we can all agree on is that loving someone is an unpredictable adventure. If given the option to have loving someone be predictable, I’d politely decline. Part of the human existence is learning through experiences. How can we accurately learn what love is and is not if we don’t experience it? Yes, love is a type of language that has to be taught, but once you learn to speak it and be open to receive it…priceless.

I asked my Tweeple to @scommentary and tell me why they loved someone. Enjoy their responses along with mine.

“I love u b/c u bring out the best & worst in me…that’s talent…annoying as hell, but still talent”

“Because it’s easy to do. It’s like breathing to me.”

“I love u b/c u r the Angel to my Hancock. Don’t know why. Will nvr figure it out. Just be.”

“Because I see the person they’re destined to be under the shell of the person they currently are.”

“I love u b/c it’s easy & fun.”

“I love u b/c u’ve good intentions, but poor execution.”

“It’s easy because although it may hurt at times it’s worth it.”

“Because God told me to love them as I love myself and I’m soooo in love with me”

“I love you b/c u’ve a beautiful spirit”

“I love him because he reminds me of my daddy. I love him because he is the human form of God’s love for me. #heartmelting”

“I love u b/c I met u in the a calmness of a warm summer night filled w/Caribbean riddims”

Love with sincerity. Love with no boundaries. Love for the sake of loving.

I’ve never been a fan of Valetine’s Day.  Aside from it’s true origins and the eye sore of seeing all the paraphernalia littered throughout the stores, I was the kid that would bring those little cards with lollipops for all my classmates; only to be the kid to receive the least amount of cards.  My parents always made the day nice, but after a while it’s somewhat depressing that only my parents thought of me on the holiday. When I was in 11th grade I befriended one of the deaf students and he sent me a flower & candy-gram addressed to, “Ashley Harper.” It felt great to be thought of even if he had my name wrong. My senior year in high school I volunteered to work in the front office confiscating Valentine’s Day gifts that were too large for students to have in class. With a smile and slight chuckle I took countless teddy  bears and over-sized balloons from whining females, “Sorry, you can pick it up after school. Have a nice day.” My step team coach came to my English class with a flower and balloon in an attempt to change my sentiments towards the day. My best friend sent a flower-gram to me, “To Whitney. From Faith.” (Our classmates thought I favored Whitney Houston and she Faith Evans). The years post high school were even worst so I quickly became an anti-Valentine Dayist! The joy that overwhelmed me when I met others who shared the same feelings. One year my anti-Valentine-Valentine says that she’d like a mic shout-out at the open mic I was attending on Valentine’s Day. Sarcastically I asked if she wanted a poem too and she seriously said, “Yes, write a poem for me!” I remember performing the poem and how much the crowd enjoyed it. When I sent her the poem she replied in true Brooklyn fashion, “That’s dope.” So on this Valentine’s season I share with you all the poem:

This is my 1^st poem for you

My 1^st chance to put pen to paper

And create a piece that will attempt to transform thoughts into metaphors

Lines, similes, and stanzas

But for some reason I can’t bring myself to expose you to the restraints of structured poetry

There’s no way I could bind such a magnetic personality with poetic rules

Impossible for me to imprison a sparkling smile in rhyme scheme

But this is what I can do:

1st Poem for You

Loud voices

Neon lights

Honking horns

Metal grinding to a screeching halt

I’m glad I met you in the calmness of

A summer’s night, island riddums, and whatever was in that cup

Forgetting  ½ our conversation

Only remembering a spectacular piece of art brought to life

Wearing a grey dress and armed with a contagious smile

Late nights

Hip/Hop shows

Shabby lodging

Long walks

Quick dinner with you and friends

Refusing to believe there is a negative fiber in your being

Spectacular piece of art brought to life

Armed with a contagious smile

Random road trip

Busy sidewalks

Short train ride

Hotel room, no home this time

Despite the circumstances

Found happiness within you

Dancin’ the night away

You illuminate the city as if it were day

So I call you, “Sunshine”

Spectacular piece of art brought to life

Armed with a contagious smile

Suburban lifestyle

Unpredictable days

Southern hospitality

Sounds of The Plain White T’s

Singing ‘bout his Delilah

Can’t help but smile and sing along cuz in a sense

You’re my Delilah

Spectacular piece of art brought to life

Armed with a contagious smile

I didn’t make it home for the 2010 holiday season. Naturally, I was pretty bummed then I had a pretty sweet Christmas and peaceful New Year’s Eve.

I’m glad it’s 2011 because I’ve looked back on previous posts, diary entries, and revisited (entirely too often) past feelings of hurt and frustration, I was getting a little pathetic. I intend to leave everything good and bad in last year. I really did take away a lot and realized that I need to just let go, I deserve it. With that said, I’m taking this year to move forward and focus on things that make me happy.

My life isn’t about entertaining people even though I’m glad you do read my sometimes “Debbie Downer” life lessons. If I have issues with something it’s up to me to change it.

I’ll be home for Valentine’s Day weekend. The husband of one of my closest friends is throwing a huge birthday party for her. It’ll be wonderful to come home for a celebration of a person who radiates so much joy. Not too mention it’s the perfect holiday to go home in a cheesy sort of way. I’m not big on Valentine’s Day not because of my singledom, but the commercialization of love. This year it has a bit of depth (just the coincidence of it all) because I’ll get to see my family and be amongst friends who know me well.

I’m glad to say that I’ve gotten over this lonely streak; it’s simply a part of life. If I continue to do things that I enjoy and pull the reins for my happiness then everything else will fall into place. No one ever told me I would be alone, but I was always told to find my happiness and love. All of the wonderful things in life start within.

All there is, is this moment.
Love emerges from the shadows
Flowing, floating in the wind,
In the moment, it is created.

Like a gush of wind forms
From the unknown swirling,
Births a dancing funnel across the lands,
Love is born from a gush of your own creation.

From an unknown place
Within your hearts belonging,
It forms, slowly evolving.

Out of nowhere, it is there.
As quickly as it forms, it’s gone
Disappearing in thin air.

Only in this very moment is it created.
As your mind dreams life’s romances
In the shadows of passionate desires,
It, ahhhhhhh, sweet innocence,
LOVE IS made real.

Lisa Thomas provides Life Coaching For Women. Her mission is empowering women worldwide.

Lisa  is a Vision and Leadership Support Coach, Visionary for Women, Life Coach for NBC’s My Carolina Today and Inspirational Speaker. For more information about this segment or a 60 min Power Session, contact Lisa at 910 221 9294 or 704 909 7663. Visit the website at http://www.TheP3Group.com.

For media inquiries or speaking engagements, contact Annika Murray at 678 807 9486.

The month of February seems to bring most people into the presence of love because Valentine’s day is around the corner. I’ve often wondered why it is such a big deal now rather than just a natural part of our lives. I’m sure there is some historical monumental moment that has generated such buzz for a holiday and there was a decision made to have it be celebrated yearly. However love is such an emotion that deserves full recognition throughout the year, don’t you think?

Imagine simply showing love on February 14th and not fully engaging or being present any other time of year – wouldn’t those you love miss the depth of meaning they are to you?

My husband, Jonn and I have been married now for 16 years. This year we embark on 17 and it has been an amazing journey being with such a caring, thoughtful individual. I think I grow fonder of him as the years go by. In the early years, I’d say being in love was certainly an experience we both felt, however amazingly over the years our relationship has grown beyond being in love. There’s a deep profound kind of friendship that has been born as well. I truly can’t think of a better friend than him. His commitment to me and my work/vision is unwavering and mine to his the same.

We’ve worked very diligently at having our relationship be one of loyalty, support, commitment and kindness. I’m shocked when I hear couples say they don’t talk or they talk at each other. I sit and wonder exactly  how that works. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where we had unresolved issues, felt afraid to broach a subject or skipping around to ensure no one’s feathers were ruffled, but unfortunately some people do. It’s like hoping issues will resolve themselves without your input.

Most end in divorce because they are fairly positional about who’s right and who’s wrong.  No war was ever resolved with both parties on a position unwilling to be open for a discussion.

In light of our heart beating month of love, I’d like to offer our power, passion and purpose for staying together and keeping love alive throughout the year.

First, we have purpose:  We both know who we are individually and who we are as a couple. Jonn has a vision that everyone has what they need to be who they are. My personal vision is “every woman lives a life of power, passion and dreams come true”. Collectively we are a “beacon for spiritual and financial prosperity creating wealth for generations to come.”  Purpose drives us to be great to each other and for each other. Purpose drives our relationship to be great. Greatness exemplifies our collective vision.

Next, we have passion:  Individually and collectively we have a passion for making a difference in the lives of others.  Our desire and passion drives us to make the difference for others and also for ourselves. Each conversation we have is filled with passionate desire to be better than we were when we entered the dialogue. Passion drives successful communication leaving no stone unturned.

Finally, we have power: Personal power lies in choice. We choose life as it is presented. We choose to love each other in moments when it seems impossible. We choose to live life powerfully through the challenges. We choose each other and all that comes with the choice. We accept each other for who we are and who we’re not. The power of having an extraordinary juicy and incredible relationship lies in choice. Love exists in the moment you create it to be there. And we create it as a practice.

Give it a try yourself. Power, Passion and Purpose in every relationship is worth having. It brings more love to you when you choose to create it. Let’s celebrate this heart beating month of love with choice, shall we?

Lisa Thomas provides Life Coaching For Women. Her mission is empowering women worldwide.

Lisa  is the President and CEO of The P3 Group, Inc, Vision and Leadership Support Coach and Visionary for Women. Featured on NBC’s My Carolina Today, Charlotte Today, World Puja Network, Dr. Pat Show and Conscious Talk Radio. For more information about this segment or a 60 min Power Session, contact Lisa at 910 221 9294 or 704 909 7663. Visit the website at http://www.TheP3Group.com.

For media inquiries or speaking engagements, contact Annika Murray at 678 807 9486.

It was a cold winter day when I had the chance to sit and talk with P3 Pearl Eleanor LeCain.

I felt a kindred spirit in Eleanor as I listened to her passion for others. She is one of the world’s most precious gems in my book. I was particularly intrigued by the quiet presence she exuded and couldn’t wait to hear her story and how she came upon writing the book – Breakthrough Solutions.

Eleanor is celebrating her 25th anniversary this month so her vision of “love made visible” seemed befitting for the month of February, our month of love.  Little did I know Eleanor’s purpose for life and the foundation for her book is the same.  Wow, can you see why I was intrigued?  Eleanor says “by coming from a place of love, we create exceptional solutions in relationships, education, prosperity and more”.

During this candid talk with her I learned a few things myself but what struck me most was how she described breakdowns paving the way for breakthrough, for you and for our society.

Eleanor’s story is one we all can relate to; mother, wife, community leader, speaker and business woman. Multiple roles with one big vision. How does one create it all and have it work? Take a few moments and get an inside peek into an amazing woman’s journey of breakthroughs through breakdowns and how she has manifested some of the greatest of solutions for all parts of life.

Hear her share two of her favorite quotes, best advice for women wanting more for themselves and the most important thing to keep alive when life throws you a curve ball you don’t expect.

Inevitably when you “Break Through, You Break Free” and Eleanor is the epitome of that mantra!

Enjoy….

Lisa Thomas provides Life Coaching For Women. Her mission is empowering women worldwide.

Lisa  is the President and CEO of The P3 Group, Inc, Vision and Leadership Support Coach and Visionary for Women. Featured on NBC’s My Carolina Today, Charlotte Today, World Puja Network, Dr. Pat Show and Conscious Talk Radio. For more information about this segment or a 60 min Power Session, contact Lisa at 910 221 9294 or 704 909 7663. Visit the website at http://www.TheP3Group.com.

For media inquiries or speaking engagements, contact Annika Murray at 678 807 9486.

Eleanor LeCain is a dynamic speaker who gives people hope and inspiration, helping them understand what is happening now, and what we can do to improve our lives and build a new world.  With over 20 years experience in finding and communicating breakthrough solutions in a variety of fields, Ms. LeCain is an expert in social innovation. Understanding that women are vital for needed changes, she draws on her expertise in women’s leadership to offer seminars and retreats for women. She speaks about leadership and social innovation to emerging and established leaders around the world from Harvard University to Kyoto, Japan, Oslo, Norway, and Penang, Malaysia among others.

Ms. LeCain’s articles have been published widely from the New York Times to the Boston Business Journal to Le Monde in Paris, France. She profiles breakthrough solutions – in green jobs, education, parenting, crime, marriage, conflict transformation, health, philanthropy, and ending poverty – in her new book, Breakthrough Solutions: How to Improve Your Life and Change the World by Building on What Works. The Introduction is written by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She has been a guest commentator on numerous radio and television networks.

As a consultant, Ms. LeCain shows organizational and government leaders the transformational programs, people and principles that can improve results, save money, and strengthen communities. Drawing on her expertise in social innovation, Ms. LeCain expands the capacity of organizations and communities to see new possibilities and increase effectiveness by understanding the opportunities in this historic moment and by learning from breakthrough solutions.

Ms. LeCain is currently President of NewWayUSA, dedicated to improving lives by identifying and building on breakthrough solutions. She brings fresh perspectives that enable people and organizations to see new opportunities, improve relationships, strengthen leadership and generate new streams of revenue.  She draws on her twenty years of research and experience in social innovation, and her wide network of colleagues with expertise in the best of what’s working in their fields.

As Executive Director of Blueprint 2000, Ms. LeCain was hired by the Massachusetts state government to create a strategic plan for the future of the Commonwealth that addressed every area of public policy. She also served as the Massachusetts Assistant Secretary of State.  Ms. LeCain served as an adviser to the Kyoto Businessman’s Association in Japan on opportunities in environmental business.  The National Committee on Responsive Philanthropy hired her as a strategic planner for their organization addressing the field of philanthropy and strategic giving. In 2003, Ms. LeCain designed and led a leadership seminar for women in Afghanistan, sponsored by Eve Ensler and the V-Day Campaign to End Violence Against Women and Girls. She is the founding President of Women of Vision and Action, an international network of spiritually aware women taking action for a better world.

Ms. LeCain earned a degree in Economics from Yale University, and a degree in Law and Social Policy from the University of California Boalt Law School.  She lives in Washington, DC with her husband and daughter. To enroll Ms. LeCain as a speaker or consultant for your organization, email Team@newwayusa.com.

In February, the month of love, I want to share with you a breakthrough solution in the realm of relationships. There is an approach that has saved thousands of marriages and that can bring more joy for you with romantic partners, family members, co-workers and colleagues. Every breakdown is a chance to breakthrough to new ways of living in greater harmony with each other. I invite you to create better relationships by using Michele Weiner-Davis’ breakthrough approach.

The Breakdown – current situation

Most personal and professional relationships have at least occasional if not chronic stress. Half of marriages end in divorce. Millions more people feel trapped in loveless marriages and relationships and are afraid, unwilling, or unable to leave now, but may divorce in the future.

Here are some facts about marriage in the United States:

• In 2003, 7.5 million couples married and 3.5 million couples divorced.
• 33 percent of first marriages fail by the 10th year.
• Second marriages fail even faster than first marriages: 39 percent of second marriages fail by the 10th year.

This traumatic upheaval often leaves deep emotional scars on the adults and children involved. Recent studies show that children raised in broken families have a harder time forming healthy long-term relationships. With divorce rates so high, we now have millions of children from broken marriages who are trying to form healthy partnerships as adults and doing it without the benefit of having had role models from which to learn.

Some adults are so devastated by a failed marriage they harbor bitterness and anger for years, sometimes for the rest of their lives. Some people marry again and divorce again, continuing on a path of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

The Breakthrough Solution – Divorce Busting®

Marriage therapist Michele Weiner-Davis believes that the vast majority of divorces in our country are absolutely unnecessary. Early in her career as a therapist, she advised people who were miserable in their marriages to divorce and attend support groups. But she noticed that divorce often did not solve their problems. People carried the pain of the failed marriage and its problematic issues into their next relationship. They discovered, too late, that their first spouse was not really the problem.

Searching for a way to help people work out their issues, stay together, and find more joy in their marriage, Michele did a profoundly effective thing – she helped couples focus on what they want in partnership and what works in their relationship now that helps them create that. She encourages people to get clear on what is most important to them in a relationship. With that vision in hand, she asks them to find what they like about their current relationship, even if it is one small thing amidst intense conflict.

While most counselors focus on problems in the relationship and spend months or years talking about the source of the problems, Michele focuses on what works for that couple, helping them rediscover their joy in partnership.

Michele calls her approach Divorce Busting®. Her success in helping to save thousands of marriages is because she emphasizes finding solutions rather than just analyzing why a couple is stuck. The approach helps couples clearly define where they hope to be in the future and gives them a step-by-step action plan for getting there.

Divorce Busting® also offers clear marriage-saving guidance to the spouse who wants to stay together should the other want out.

Her techniques usually get results within a month. Additionally, since most difficulties come from a lack of relationship skills, she teaches the skills needed to make marriages more loving.

Michele first shared her groundbreaking work in Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again. Her more recent book, The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage, offers a guide to revitalizing your marriage. It includes insights and case studies of people applying Divorce Busting® techniques. In both books she encourages couples to focus on “doing what works” in their relationship.

Michele has also created Divorce Busting® coaching, to offer marriage assistance by telephone. Coaches help the callers deal with their emotions, apply the principles to their particular situations, and formulate action plans to get their marriages back on track. Those who contact the coaches are usually in dire straits, involving affairs, separations, even papers already filed for divorce. The Divorce Busting® approach has turned even these extreme cases around.

Divorce Busting® is part of an emerging trend in psychotherapy, focusing more on solutions than problems. Michele Weiner-Davis co-authored a book describing that shift, In Search of Solutions: A New Direction in Psychotherapy: “It is a method that focuses on people’s competence rather than their deficits, their strengths rather than their weaknesses, their possibilities rather than their limitations.”

There is great power in focusing on solutions, in our personal lives and in society. Using this approach more frequently in all our relationships can be a powerful way of navigating turbulent waters to get the connection and joy we want in our partnerships.

Eleanor LeCain is the President of NewWayUSA, dedicated to improving lives by identifying and building on breakthrough solutions. For more information, go to www.newwayusa.com.

Sources:

1. “Births, Marriages, Divorces, and Deaths: Provisional Data for 2003: National Vital Statistics Reports.” Centers for Disease Control. Vol 52: 22, June 10, 2004. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm. [Accessed May 4, 2009].
2. “New Report Sheds Light on Trends and Patterns in Marriage, Divorce, and Cohabitation.” Centers for Disease Control, July 24, 2002. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/02news/div_mar_cohab.htm. [Accessed May 4, 2009].
3. Michele Weiner-Davis and William Hudson O’Hanlon. In Search of Solutions: A New Direction in Psychotherapy. Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc, New York, 2003: 1.

Don’t be so quick to throw away each other…Don’t be so quick to disrespect and hurt one another. Think about what you are teaching each other. Think about what we are teaching the children. If a flood swept through your area, you would be reaching out to any hand that was extended without a thought as to whose hand it was. If you needed a heart transplant you would not turn it down because it came from a white person, black person or a Catholic, Pentecostal or Baptist person. You would not ask if the person was tall or short, fat or thin, or a man or woman.

I repeat, we all need each other now more than back in the pioneer days. If you don’t believe this, then look again at your face book page and your e-mail list and your directory of phone numbers.

www.makeachoicenow.com