We are less than two weeks away from Thanksgiving. There is a lot to look forward to: big, yummy holiday dinners, parties, shopping for gifts, decorating, seasonal music and the list goes on. But for many people, the holidays bring just as much stress as they do satisfaction. So, it might be a good time, before we get caught up in the midst of things, to take a moment and prepare for the not-so-nice aspects of the holidays.

Financial
We are technically out of the recession, but for a sizable number of people that fact hasn’t caught up to our realities. In the midst of tight belts and tighter budgets, it is inevitable that some changes to traditional holiday spending might be in order.

Scale Back: Does everyone on your list need a gift? This especially applies to all of those acquaintance gifts. Little things can add up to a lot. When it comes to adult family members, consider skipping gift exchanges all together or possibly doing a Secret Santa with a spending limit.

Lower Expectations: When it comes to teens and older children, you might want to explain that Christmas might be a little different this year. It might not be possible to get everything on a long list but ask them what they would like the most or in a specific monetary range.

Family
For many this is either the best part of Christmas or the worst. The key here is to have a clear plan for those relatives that might try your patience or push your buttons.

Make It a Team Effort: Pair up with a sibling, cousin or friend that will be attending the same family function and lean on each other for support. Things immediately seem better when you realize that you aren’t in it alone.

Set Boundaries: Who says you have to stay at the dinner all-day and well into the night? If you aren’t hosting dinner, plan on leaving a little early. Let people know what is off-limits before hand, if possible. If you are dealing with unemployment or a recent divorce, let several supportive family members know that you would rather not talk about it. In fact, engage members of your team to help you out if those touchy subjects come up.

The key is to have a plan – whether it is a spending plan, a plan for handling family or for not eating too much at the company party – if you think it through in advance you will be able to avoid a lot of sticky or stressful situations, or at least get through them with less drama and damage.

Karyn L. Beach is a success coach and corporate trainer who publishes the Lose the Excuses newsletter and blog.

Although, just 16 months apart in age, they are worlds apart in words and actions.

Ariana and Alana are roommates and sleep in bunk beds. One night Ariana comes back downstairs after all the kids had gone to sleep for the night. She comes to the family room, where my husband and I are watching TV and just stands there with a long face.

“What is it, Ari?” Asks her dad.  (‘Ari’ is the nickname for Ariana.)

“Lani is ignoring me. ” (‘Lani’  is the nickname for Alana.)

“What do you mean?”

“Well she won’t talk to me and she won’t even say goodnight.”

“Go tell Alana I said to come down here for a minute.”

Ariana leaves to go get her sister. Alana arrives.

“Alana are you ignoring Ariana?”

“No, I’m trying to go to sleep!” she declares.

“Did you say good night to her?”

“Yes I did, but she keeps saying it over and over and over again and she keeps talking to me. I told her I had enough.”

“Alana, be nice to Ariana.”

“Ariana, let Alana go to sleep.” Alana goes back upstairs. I proceed to tell Ariana to just say goodnight one time and I explain that sometimes people don’t want to do what you want to do at the same time and that is ok.

The next night, Alana comes downstairs to greet us after everyone else is in the bed.

“I’m sick of it!” She exclaims.

“Sick of what?” I ask, trying to maintain my composure.

“I am sick of Ariana trying to talk to me every night. I just want to go to sleep. She wants to talk and tell stories and keep the lights on. I can’t take it anymore!”

Just so you know, Alana sleeps on the bottom bunk. She has created a make shift tent to shield herself from outside influences. She has her blanket, a sleeping bag and a small curtain hanging from the bed rail. I guess I should get her a canopy. When it is time to shut it down, she shuts it down. She does not care who is around and what they are doing. Even during sleepovers, Alana will just get in the bed or her sleeping bag when she is tired in spite of all the pillow fights and pillow talk which may be going on around her.

Alana has her way of closing us all out of her world when she needs a minute to herself. She will just disappear without being noticed. I admit it is easy to do with so many of us in the house. I find myself asking, “Where’s Alana?”

Usually Ariana comments and says, “She is probably having her private time. She needs that everyday!” Now that is my girl. If only I could escape from the masses and be by myself whenever I felt like it.

Recently, Ariana felta a little under the weather. She asked me if she could take a nap. I told her whenever she feels like napping, it is fine with me. If she feels the need to rest, go for it.

Alana chimes in, “Yeah that is what I do. I’ll fall asleep anywhere. . . in the car, on the floor, it doesn’t matter.” Alana really knows how to take it easy. Her carefree attitude is to be admired. She doesn’t take life too seriously.

My husband went out of town the other week without telling the kids he would be gone. He usually explains where he is going and what he would be doing. Well when Ariana discovered he would be out of town, she remarked, “He didn’t even say goodbye to us”.

I told Ariana he was sorry and she said it was ok, she forgives him. Alana’s response regarding him being away was, “Oh boy, the lawn really needs to be mowed. There are weeds starting to grow.” Ok, so she won’t be winning any sentimental awards.

Annika Murray is the very busy mother of five and she shares her adventures with P3 Power Boost readers.

I remember once hearing Chris Rock say about his role as a parent that his entire life is about keeping his daughters off the pole. The pole he was referring to of course was the stripping pole. And while said in humor, his point was merely that as a parent it’s his role to ensure his daughters doesn’t have experiences or a life that leads them to end up in a place no parent would envision for their child.

The truth is, if you have kids, being a parent is your most important job. A lot of us spend a good deal of energy trying to ensure a good performance review at work but how often do you think about the performance review your child may give you 20 years later

You never want to hear them talk about the terrible childhood they had or how horrible a parent you are. Now some kids won’t acknowledge the good some parents did no matter what but in general most kids are honest about their assessment of their childhood and how they were raised.

So I would encourage you to put as much or more effort into ensuring you do a good job with your kids as you do to get the raise at work or to advance in your career. After all, your kids are your legacy and your gift to mankind. Believe me, 20 years from now the performance review that matters most will not be the one your boss gives you but the one your children do because it has a lifetime effect.

I had an epiphany just the other day. I realized that the longer I sat at my computer, the less housework I get done. Yes, I work from home. I find it increasingly difficult to keep my home in “open house” status when the kids and I are at home all day. I love a clean house. Who doesn’t? But I have learned to live with some degree of organized chaos. There is a method to the madness. Of course, some days are more madness than method.

My husband has witnessed me typing and nursing at the same time. He is totally amazed. He says, “You are doing way too much!” I am thinking, “You have no idea. I’m only doing two things right now, just wait until I have the phone in my hand as well.” Multitasking takes on a whole new meaning for the work-at-home mom.

Let me set the record straight that every mother works at home. I don’t want to go back and forth on the pros and cons of being a stay-at-home mom versus a work-at-home mom. I have heard the arguments and have come up with a few of my own. I must say there is a level of freedom and empowerment you can get from staying at home with kids. My kids have their own way of taking me up to a new level of creativity.

I recall an incident last year when I was on the phone with a client going over some very important details for an upcoming event. The call required my undivided attention (yeah right!). So here I sat at my dining room table which is my makeshift office during the day. My son, 3 years old at the time, comes running to me wearing “butt naked”. I think, “Oh my gosh! Where is his pull-up?” Surprisingly, he doesn’t say a word. I quietly get up from my chair (phone still to my ear) and walk him back to the bathroom, praying against droplets on the way. Keep in mind; we were in the midst of potty training days so I was fully prepared for my carpet to be stained. Ironically, “it” all ended up in and around the toilet. I discreetly changed him while on the phone and continued my conversation as if nothing happened.

I try to make it clear to my clients that I am a mom. I find acknowledging the fact up front works for me. My thing is if I am able to function with the background noise of an infant, toddler and preschooler then surely you will survive being on the other end of my Sprint “free and clear” phone line. I find that most people are quite understanding and accepting, even impressed with work at home moms.

Some ask me how I do it. My response is, “I have no idea. I just do what I can with what I have.” Coupled with the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, I also have business and ministry commitments that I choose to keep. Working from home allows me to make full use of my talents and gifts and contributes to who I am as a whole person. That is a fulfilling opportunity.

Annika shares the chaos, the challenge and some of the cherished memories of raising a family of five.

Sometimes I feel sorry for my son, Alston. At 4 years old, he is smack in the middle of his siblings. We have the two oldest, Ariana and Alana, and of course the two babies, Ayden and Avary. Ariana and Alana are just 16 months apart in age. Ayden and Avary are just shy of 18 months apart. Then there is Alston, almost exactly 3 years younger than Alana. I try not to assign labels to the kids, but I think Alston may be suffering from a case of “middle child syndrome”. He is too little to be “big” and too big to be “little”.

Alston’s syndrome is most apparent on Saturday mornings. Alston wakes up to find that Ayden is still asleep. Since he has been conditioned to not wake up sleeping babies, he quietly exits the bedroom. Alston’s first stop is to visit his older sisters.

“Get out of here!”

Alston turns toward the door with sad puppy dog eyes. It is much too early to fuss. So he goes with his next best defense.

Knock, knock.

“Mommy, the girls don’t want me in their room.”

“Well, go back to your own room!” I exclaim from behind the door.

The doorknob turns.

“But Ayden is asleep. I can’t play in my room.”

“Alston, it is too early. Try to go back to sleep.”

“But the girls are up.”

“Tell them I said to let you in.” I say sleepily, knowing that this temporary solution will be problematic.

He walks back down to the girl’s room with a mission.

Alana screams, “What do you want?”

“Mommy said I could come in here.”

I hear an additional set of footsteps coming down the hallway. ”Mommy, we don’t want Alston in our room this morning. We want to be by ourselves.” She says in typical Alana fashion.

This goes on for about 10 minutes, which seems much longer. Then I hear a door slam, and another. So I kick my husband out of the bed to go police the mishaps. By now it is late at 7:30 in the morning.

Alston comes back to my bedside. “Is it time for breakfast?” Oh well, so much for my sleeping in. Off to make breakfast I go.

The good thing about Alston being in the middle is that he rules the little people during the day. While the girls are at school, he makes it his business to let the little ones know who is in charge.

“Stop, Ayden!” “Mommy, Ayden has something in his mouth! Mommy, Avary is crawling on the hard floor!” And so on and so on.

Alston is so anxious to get “big”. Everyday he jumps on my scale to ask, “how big am I?” He is 38 pounds, but I say “almost 40 pounds”. Alston raises his arms in the air and says, “am I this big?” I say “yes you are.” He likes that. For some reason, kids are cutest when they ask how big they are. I smile every time that I respond, “you are almost 40 pounds!” It just sounds so big to him.

One meaning of Alston’s name is “ruler of the elves”. I was a little skeptical about naming him Alston for that very reason. However, when I think about it, “ruler of the ‘little people’” is most appropriate. It certainly gives him a sense of belonging. Everyone needs to find their place in the world. Come to think of it, some of the best things in life are in the middle, like oreo cookie creme! That’s my sweet little middle child.

Annika shares the chaos, the challenge and some of the cherished memories of raising a family of five.

As the popularity of video games increases, the debate over their effect on children rages. Some child psychologists and family groups argue violent and mature video games negatively affect children. Parents who complain that video games are harmful may now have proof. A number of studies have linked video game usage to negative behavior in children and adolescents. Video game supporters cite studies that show benefits, and encourage better parental supervision.

The truth may lie somewhere between; like most things, video games should be enjoyed in moderation. Proper supervision over content could avoid many of the negative side effects, while taking advantage of the positive benefits.

NEGATIVE EFFECTS

Studies and reports suggest a correlation between extended video game use (especially violent games) and negative psychological and behavioral effects. Among those cited are aggressive tendencies, violent outbursts, and drug and alcohol abuse.

A 2008 report in the American Academy of Pediatrics combined studies on children in the United States and Japan, and found violence behavior increased with video game usage. The studies showed “conclusive evidence that playing violent video games has harmful effects on children and adolescents.”

A 2006 study by Indiana University reported violent video games could cause aggression in children and teens. MRIs performed on adolescents playing violent video games found the emotional centers of the brain become more active while the centers of the brain that regulate self control stopped functioning.

Some studies suggest extensive video game use could negatively affect social development in young children. A 2007 Journal of the American Medical Association report found adolescents who played video games spent significantly less time doing homework than those who did not. Authors of the study fear video games “interfere with the development of skills needed to make a successful transition to adulthood.”

A 2009 Brigham Young University study found that as video game usage increased, the quality of relationships with others, including family, friends, and other peers, decreased. The BYU Study found that daily video game users were twice as likely to use drugs. They were three times as likely to use drugs over those who never played games.

POSITIVE EFFECTS

The news isn’t all bad for gamers. Studies of puzzle-based video games found they improve problem solving skills and raised intelligence levels in children. Other studies cite video games as stress reducers in children and adults. In addition, video games appear to improve hand coordination. A hospital-based study found doctors who practiced on a modified Wii video game controller improved their skills on tools used in minimally invasive surgery up to 50%.

LIMITING VIDEO GAME USE

While direct parental oversight is ideal in limiting video game use by children, parents do have additional tools. Devices like the “PlayLimit” attach to televisions and limit viewing, as well as game play, in 15 minute increments.

Child psychologists recommend that parents both limit the time their children spend playing games and take heed of ratings on games. Many parents are unaware that popular games rated as “MA” (Mature Audiences) often contain graphic content, like profanity, excessive violence, sexual content, and nudity.

Victor has served as a Community Voices columnist for THE DALLAS MORNING NEWS and editor of the NORTH TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS REPORT. He has been featured in THE WALL STREET JOURNAL & several national magazines.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year and also the most stressful. The holidays may be full of cheer, but they can take a toll on your stress level and your health. From the pressures of shopping to visiting relatives there doesn’t seem to be a free moment. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a stress free holiday season for once? Here are some tips to reduce stress during the holidays this year.

Have a stress free holiday: Avoid shopping stress
It’s important not to forget the reason for the season. Instead of concentrating on the retail aspects of the season, remember why holidays are celebrated in the first place. Make it easier on yourself. Instead of buying expensive presents for everyone you know, donate money to a deserving charity instead. No one will mind if you tell them you’re donating to a good cause this year instead of giving gifts. If you feel compelled to offer presents to certain people, give a gift certificate instead. This will lighten your holiday shopping load and eliminate the time you previously spent choosing, buying, and wrapping gifts. Of course, if you have small children, you’ll want to shop for them but, otherwise, scale back to reduce shopping stress during the holidays.

Have a stress free holiday: Spend less time in the kitchen
This is another way people stress themselves out during the holidays. They feel the need to prepare elaborate holiday meals for friends and family. This is not only stressful but expensive. Why not do it differently this year and eat out on Christmas Eve or Christmas day? Many hotels offer Christmas buffets where you can have a variety of food choices without having to deal with preparation and clean up. Although some of these buffets can be expensive, consider how much you’d be spending to cook at home and it won’t sound like such a bad deal. Imagine how relaxing it will be to enjoy a buffet and sip a cup of hot coffee while listening to Christmas music.

Have a stress free holiday: Don’t over commit yourself
The holidays are a time for Christmas parties and celebrations, but too many parties can cause unnecessary stress. A lot of preparation can go into attending a party even if you’re not the one giving it. This is particularly true for women who have to select an appropriate outfit, accessorize it, and go through the motions of doing make-up and hair. To reduce stress, choose one of two parties to attend during the holidays and gracefully bow out of the rest. No one will think less of you for it.

Have a stress free holiday: Take time out for yourself
To reduce stress during the holiday season, make time for pampering yourself in small ways. Enjoy a warm, fragrant bubble bath or a long walk in the outdoors. Breathe deeply and enjoy the sweet smells of nature. It’s important to have an outlet to help you unwind during the holiday season.

Holiday celebrations don’t have to be hectic and chaotic unless you allow them to be. Learn to reduce stress and enjoy the holidays for what they were meant to be, a time to express love and appreciation for friends and family.

Parents often complain that during the holiday season, the focus for their kids seems to be on “getting” – asking and receiving an abundance of gifts and treats. Everywhere they go, people ask them what the “want.” For many parents, all this wanting can get to be too much. Here are some suggestions for injecting a little “giving” into your little one’s holiday season and introducing your child to the joys of philanthropy.

One year, when my three nearly-grown kids were all still in elementary school, I told them one morning over breakfast that we were going to do a family project for the holidays. I told them I was going to give the three of them $100 to donate to charity and they got to decide how and to whom to give it. I explained that they could give it all to one agency if they all agreed, or they could split it up three ways and each manage their own $33, or they could decide to give some to various organizations. I told them I would put all the mail appeals we got in one basket and they could look them over. And, they were free to just decide on a cause (like feeding the poor) if they didn’t know which agency was working on that cause.

$100 felt like a lot of money to them to be in control over and they all three got into the project. In the end, they brought about 5 or 6 organizations and causes to the table and we took a vote on who and how much. It was a great way for them to find out more about what charitable organizations were doing in our community and take some of the holiday focus off getting and onto giving.

Some families choose to adopt a family who is less fortunate for the holiday season – looking for a family with a child or children close in age to their own. This is another great way to encourage a child to experience an act of charity. Other families I know choose to do something for animals – they spend a day walking dogs at the shelter, or put together a basket of necessities and treats for the animals awaiting homes. Still other families may choose to become involved with seniors this time of year. When I was a girl, our family used to make visits to the local nursing home during the holiday season. I must admit it was a rather reciprocal experience for me as the residents would fuss and fawn over me more than I was able to visit or play cards with them!

Collecting food for the local food pantry or even helping fill boxes and stock shelves can be a great experience for kids. Keep in mind, however, that this time of year many people think about becoming involved with charitable concerns and there may not be need for your efforts. Making arrangements to help at a time of year when they really do need you, or becoming involved as a family on a regular basis may be a much more helpful way to contribute.

I also know one family who gives a gift of a book to the local library each holiday and the children have been involved with choosing the book each year. This would be a wonderful way to support a local school, neighborhood branch or a city library. Some libraries keep a list of books they are planning to purchase and you can choose one, or perhaps a musically minded family would like to donate CDs to the library’s collection. Computer games, periodical subscriptions and DVDs of movies or programs may also be appreciated by your library.

As you look around your community and think of ways you can become more charitably involved during the holiday season, keep in mind your child’s age and interests. A cause more closely in line with your child’s own concerns will be more likely to leave a lasting favorable impression. Expressing a “giving spirit” during the hectic festive season is a wonderful way to create a lasting family tradition.

Kori Rodley Irons is a freelance writer, public relations and nonprofit management specialist living in the Pacific Northwest.

I don’t like the terminology, “unwanted” pregnancy.  An unplanned or unexpected pregnancy is totally different from an unwanted one.  I can’t say that I planned all my pregnancies, but I certainly know that I wanted each one.  I’m enjoying Avary’s beautiful smile and exciting giggles. We didn’t “plan” to conceive her, but I am so glad we did.

After the birth of my fourth child, Ayden, we were convinced that our family was complete. We had 2 girls and 2 boys. It was a perfect scenario. Ariana had a best friend in Alana. They are sewn at the hip, just 16 months apart in age. Then Alston had a companion, his little brother Ayden. The girls comfortably shared a bedroom, with their sitting room turned playroom. The boys enjoyed just being boys in their own turf.

Then all of that changed in the fall of 2008. Ayden was just 10 months old. I recall riding home from church in mid-September and I mentioned to my husband how I had been feeling. He looked at me and asked, “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”

“Well, I don’t know, maybe.”

Now for someone who had already been pregnant four times, I was well aware of what it was like. Now let me pause for a minute and give thanks that I have had great, uneventful pregnancies. Thank God! I did not experience morning sickness, bed rest nor any serious complications and all of my kids were delivered full term. I was pretty much able to function at normal capacity aside from the weight gain.

Anyway, I just felt pregnant! We were not expecting Avary and were taking precautionary measures. So the birth of another child was not in the plan. We were done! After an at home pregnancy test confirmed it, the only thing we could do was laugh. All I know is that God’s plans are greater than ours and His will can override the will and decision of men. I know that every life has a purpose and each day, looking into Avary’s eyes remind me of that fact.

It amazes me that people constantly debate the issue of life. I am unashamedly Pro-Life. But for me it is not just some political stance. In my heart, I have experienced true joy and peace from the life giver. My hope is that all persons can have the chance to experience a life full of purpose and hope as well.

Annika shares the chaos, the challenge and some of the cherished memories of raising a family of five.

I’m certain I’m not the only one frustrated or who has encountered this but what is going on with some parents in our community? I mean when did parenting become a burden? I was the keynote speaker at an event this past weekend for a local organization and talking about the power of parental advocacy and how parents are their child’s greatest advocate.

After the event, a 14 year old girl came up to me and asked me if I could help her get back in school. It seems she got expelled from school in January for fighting. She didn’t have a knife or any weapon but in this day of zero tolerance this was her 3rd fight and it led to her expulsion. I was a bit surprised that she had asked because I wondered why t his was something her parents weren’t trying to do.

However, I learned her mom was a single mom and her mom just wasn’t willing to do it. Since the girl really seemed to want to get back into school, I decided to help. I called her mom who informed me that this was her daughter’s problem. In her words: she got put out, she needs to find a way to get back in if she wants to go. I’m leaving it up to her this is her life.

I couldn’t believe any reasonable and responsible parent would say this. What shocked me further was the battle I found from the school itself. Although I wasn’t this child’s parent, I convinced the principal to talk to me about re-enrolling the child. A friend of a friend knew the principal. I talked to the principal, who said the child had written her a letter and asked if she could come back to school. (Note what child would do this if they didn’t care about their future). The principal said she told her no because the school had limited resources and the bottom line is the child had 3 fights that year and they just didn’t have the time to deal with children who were disruptive.

I understand the principal’s concerns but we need to think very carefully before making it too hard for a child to get back on track. After all, this child never brought a weapon to school and as far as I could see didn’t pose a danger to any students. To make a long story short, I was finally able to convince the principal to allow the child to reenroll in the school.

But after spending a week dealing with an uninvolved parent and a school system that was more than happy to kick the child to the curb, it re-enforced my belief about the role of parental advocacy. It’s a shame that in many ways whether a child succeeds has a lot to do with whether their parents or some adult is vested in them, their success and their future. I didn’t know this girl at all but in one week I had spent more time fighting for her future than her mom or the school system: both of which seemed very willing to throw her away.

As a parent and someone who speaks to parents across this country, my greatest advice has to be get involved in the life of a child. We have to do what we can to protect all our children and not only the ones who get good grades but even those who are D and F students and find themselves in the gray areas of life. And for goodness sake, we need parents to Parent Up.

What do I mean by Parent Up? Our parents need to step up their parenting game- plain and simple. If you do your role as a parent to the best of your ability, there still exists a chance your child may not succeed. If you do less than your best- guess what? Your child’s chance for success drop dramatically.

So I say Parent Up- do your part. Doesn’t matter if you are a single parent, married couple, grandparent, aunt, uncle, whatever…..Parent Up. If you are responsible for a child- take control of the situation, quit complaining about how hard it is and just do your best and definitely do NOT give up on them. If, after doing your best in the parenting situation, you still end up with a bad seed, you know you did your best and it wasn’t your fault. If you end up with a dud and you didn’t do all you should have done- you can be pretty sure it’s probably your fault!! Sorry if this is harsh but it’s also harsh to say to a 14 year old I don’t care if you succeed or not.

Kim Crouch is an attorney and the author of the book Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Hope and Inspiration for Today’s Young African-American Men.