Drug addiction was one of many addictions.  My first addiction was love.  No matter what the cost, if my attention fixated on one particular man, I would do anything to make him love me.  I look back now, and can’t believe the crap I accepted from the men in my life, thinking, hoping, praying, wishing that they loved me.  More importantly, I have compassion for myself with the understanding that at that time, I didn’t love me, or think that I was worthy of love.  The men in my life mirrored back to me exactly the way I felt about myself.  They showed up as my angels clothed in the form of my deepest wounds.

Excerpt from soon to be released “She Lives” This wasn’t the first time Mark put his hands on me in a violent way.  I’ll never forget when he spent the night at my house verbally and physically abusing me.  He tried to ram my head into a concrete wall.  I was able to escape his grasp and run down the street to the telephone booth to call the police.  I ran past a few guys coming outside of a store, and I said to them “please help me, my boyfriend is beating me up”, and one of the guys looked at me and said, “a man has a right to do what he wants with is woman”.  Even then, I couldn’t believe it.   I made it to the telephone booth and dialed 911, but Mark came up behind me and slammed the phone down before I could talk to the dispatcher.  I fought him off and picked up the phone and dialed again.  He slammed the phone down again.  So, I gave up.  He took me by the hand to lead me back to my apartment, but before we got there, five police cars surrounded us.  They had traced the call I had tried to make.  They jumped out of their cars and asked if I was the one who made the call.  I told them yes, and that I was having a problem with my boyfriend.  This one police woman looked me straight in the eye and said “did he hit you”?  Mark looked like a deer in headlights.  He was scared shitless.  I averted my eyes from the policewoman, and said, “No, he did not hit me”. So, I would go and get high, blow all my money and then sleep with a stranger for drugs.  I would tell myself it served him right for being such a jerk, but of course, the real reason was, it paid for my drugs when I was out of money.  But I was also trying to make myself feel better about being so powerless and out of control.  I was hurting so badly, and felt so rejected and abandoned, I thought if I slept with someone else, even though drugs was one of the payoffs, it would somehow hurt this man that held my distorted attention in every waking moment, and who one minute gave me his heart, and the next, would leave me, abandoned, beaten and broken again.

Domestic violence was a huge part of my life growing up.  The way things were handled in my family, in particular with my siblings, were with violence.  I saw family members with black eyes and bloody noses one day, and cuddled up with the spouse that did it the next. I thought this was love.  I thought this was how it was done in relationships.  I thought the way you responded to a disagreement was with rage, screaming and hitting.  So, I lived that pattern out in my own life.  I attracted men in my life, where we were perfect mirrors for each other’s sorrow, rage and ignorance.

Healing is possible.  It’s a long road from such a depth of low self-worth to self-love, and there are days when you might feel like you can never have anything better, because the scars are so deep, and the patterns are so etched in your consciousness.  You might feel like giving up, but don’t. Keep on growing, keep going, you’ll make it.  In quoting another amazing woman, Hillary Clinton in her 2008 democratic speech, she says “By following the example of a brave New Yorker , a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.   And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.  If you hear the dogs, keep going.  If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.  If they’re shouting after you, keep going.  Don’t ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”

So, I say to you, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, or what your own habitual negative thinking is telling you, you are worthy, you are deserving of an amazing, loving, healthy life.  The road will seem dark and endless, but your life is right down that road.  Don’t give up on yourself before the miracle happens.  You’re worth it. I’ll be your testimony, until you can be your own.

Peace to you beloved,

Ester

About nine years ago I took a self-development course. When I took this training, I heard this statement for the first time: Be, Do, Have.

Be, Do, Have is being the person you want to be and then you do what that person would do, to have what they would have.

Most people have it backwards. Most people think they must Do, Have, Be. Here is a great scenario:  I will go on Weight Watchers (the doing), then I will have a sexy body(have), and I will be happy (be).

Oprah is a great example of a person “being.” If you asked Oprah how does she stay on top in her field, she really could not  articulate it. That is because she is “being” the person she needs to be to have the top rated talk show for 25 years in a row.

Meryl Streep is another person who exemplifies “being.” It seems that for every film she performs in she  gets nominated for an academy award. And again, if you asked her how she does it, she probably could not really tell you. This is because she is “being.” The “doing” shows through in her great acting ability.

When I took that leadership training nine years ago, I realized that I needed to focus on “being” the person I needed to be to accomplish a goal that I wanted instead of “doing” actions, such as “I am doing Weight Watchers,” or “I am doing low carb.” I needed to “be” healthy or “be” slim. I began to ask the question how would a slim, healthy person behave? Then I took actions accordingly.

That is one reason why I do not really agree with weight loss surgery. With weight loss surgery, you are “doing” an action  believing it will lead to weight loss. But the question that needs to be asked is, “What person must you “be” to drop 100+ pounds?”

A friend of mine had gastric bypass about four years ago and she was losing lots of weight. She was struggling with eating less and I made the statement to her,” You did the “doing” part of shrinking your stomach surgically, now you must do the “being” part which is much tougher because now you have to change your thinking.” Needless to say we are not friends any more.

The “being” part is in the brain. It is changing negative habits. It is being aware of your thoughts and actions. It is changing old tapes in your mind. It is discipline, and yes it is hard work.

Now that I am much thinner, I often get the question, “How did you lose weight?” This question is quite difficult to answer sometimes because I realize that I am now in the “being” phase of my weight loss. Many people are expecting to hear that I did some weight loss program such as Weight Watchers, Nutri-System, or Jenny Craig.  What people do not realize is that I had to “be” a different person to lose 60 pounds. Now my low-carb way of eating is truly a part of who I am as a person.

So my question to you is not what diet program will you “do”, but what person must you “be” to “have” the weight loss and health success you desire?

Michelle can be reached at burtonmic@hotmail.com or go to her blog, www.michelleslowcarblifestyle.com

Copyright ©2010 by Michelle Burton

Laughter can reduce stress and pain. If you are dealing with an illness or going through a tough time in your life, laughing can help to boost your mood and improve your immune system.

It can also create bonds with people, which is also good for your health. When you are laughing, you are most likely not thinking about the pain or suffering you are experiencing for a few  moments. Although if you have certain types of pain, such as sore stomach muscles or pain related to surgery, laughing may make it worse. I’ve laughed so hard one time that my stomach hurt the next day. It felt as if I did a bunch of stomach crunches.

Laughing is especially good for emotional pain. It can help to boost your mood and connect with other people. It can take your mind off of negative things for the time being.

Here are a few ways to get some good laughs.

Watch a funny movie.

Read a good joke book or look for some funny jokes online.

Think about something embarrassing that happened to you in the past. It may not have been funny when it happened, but maybe you can look back on those moments now and have a good laugh. For example, did you ever go out with the price tag still on your clothes? Did you ever walk out of a public restroom with a tail made out of toilet paper? I once had a coworker who showed up at work with two different shoes on and she didn’t realize it until she got to the office. We both couldn’t stop laughing for awhile. Sometimes we do silly and embarrassing things, but looking back on them can give us a good chuckle.

Go to a comedy club or watch stand up comedians on television.

Go online and go to YouTube and look up some old funny clips of tv shows that you used to watch. You can also find a variety of funny things to look at on YouTube.

Spend some time with funny people that you know. Do you know someone who is always joking around and making people laugh? Call them on the phone for a few good laughs or invite them over and enjoy their company.

Bring out your inner child. Do things that you wouldn’t expect to do as an adult. If you are able to, you could jump rope, play hide and seek with your significant other or your own children, play a game of hopscotch, run through a sprinkler. I’m sure those things you did as a child will make you laugh if you do them as an adult.

Dress up in silly hats, wigs or clothes. Do you have any old and outdated clothes? Dress yourself up in something funny and make other people laugh as well. You don’t have to wear it out, just around the house for a few laughs.

Don’t be afraid to let loose and get downright silly. Everyone has their own sense of humor and things that they find to be funny. Make up silly things off the top of your head. Try to write your own jokes, even if they don’t make sense.

Read the comics in the newspaper.

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone and either of you used humor as a way to resolve the fight? Laughter can reduce anger and stress and can help you to get along better with others.

Whatever it is that you decide to do to get yourself laughing, remember that by laughing you are doing your body and mind a lot of good. So go ahead and enjoy a few good laughs!

Alyssa Russo is a freelance writer who believes that “tough situations don’t last, but tough people do.” She also knows how to enjoy a good laugh!

After speaking on a panel of incredible women at the Women’s Empowerment Expo 2009, with over 20,000 women in attendance, I stumbled upon another incredible speaker. Standing at 5 foot even was a poised, statuesque woman with a body most would die for. She had on an amazing pink dress that perfectly complimented her perfect form and a smile that radiated across the room. Although she looked really young, she had a wisdom about her. She was supposed to be on the same panel as I was but as the day’s agenda changed, we ended up on different panels. When another panelist introduced us, I felt an instant connection to another woman out to motivate and transform lives.

Her name is Dr. Joy Ohayia. She’s the author of Don’t Let “IT” Get You and BluePrint For Success. I was so fascinated by her ageless appearance and her passion for health and wellness that within a few seconds I knew she would be our June P3 Pearl Cover Girl.

At 47, looking very much in her early 30′s, she’s holding her own. Dr. Joy and I finally caught up a few months later. We sat down for a little girl talk about her vision and how she made it where she is now, her regimen for her fabulous body and how she’s been able to stay so fit with two children.

You’ll discover the meaning of Dr. Joy’s coined phrase, “the it’s” of life which often times lead to disaster when it comes to producing results.

There are also some tender moments during our talk. One in particular stands out when she candidly reveals how her life was while wearing the golden handcuffs. She opens up about that time in her life and offers what actually drove her into the arms of her truth passion for health and fitness.

You’ll experience her deep desire to share her wisdom when she explains the 5 steps to a good workout which will give you maximum results you’ve been looking for. She states “just because you’re working out, doesn’t mean you can eat anything. A perfect combination of both fitness and healthy eating is key.”

She even gave me a tip on my workout as well. Believe me, you want to sit back and listen to this hour of unscripted girl talk with Dr. Joy. Find out what she knows for sure, two of her favorite quotes and a new “mantra” I shared with her that we both agree is worth sharing with all women pursuing a strong vision.

Enjoy this moment with me, Lisa Thomas with Dr. Joy Ohayia.

Humor me . . . blink your eyes!

Do you know how fast the blink of an eye really is? Research indicates we blink approximately 12 times per minute and on average a blink takes approximately 300 to 400 MILLISECONDS. That’s pretty darn quick!

Consider this – in the blink of an eye , any one of us could have our lives change forever. In the blink of an eye , any one of us could have a stroke or someone we care about could have one.

Did you know strokes are our nation’s 3^rd leading cause of death?

What exactly is a stroke? A stroke occurs when a blood vessel is either blocked by a clot or ruptures, preventing blood from carrying oxygen and vital nutrients to parts of the brain. When that happens, the area of the brain that doesn’t receive blood begins to die and the body functions controlled by that area become hindered.

 There are three critical things I want you to take away from this article:

I want you to be able to:

- RECOGNIZE signals

- RESPOND quickly

- REDUCE risks

Let’s look at signals so we can RECOGNIZE them:  

• Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body.

• Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding.

• Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes.

• Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination.

• Sudden, severe headache with no known cause.

One evening I was on the phone with my best friend (age 51). I’d called to see how she was doing because she was having some severe health issues and was scheduled for surgery. She didn’t sound like herself; her speech was somewhat slurred and she complained about the lack of control in one of her legs. Back in the dark recesses of my brain something nagged at me but I remembered she’d just told me she’d taken some pain medication the doctor had prescribed. I decided the slurred speech and loss of coordination in her leg were due to the pain med. Perhaps if I’d been quicker to recognize and acknowledge those signals and respond , she might have only had one stroke . . . instead of three! Fortunately, she recovered and is in good health today. She still has slight trouble with the coordination of that leg from time to time but she’s very lucky not to have had more devastating and lingering consequences.

If you ever suspect someone is having a stroke, please RESPOND quickly. Time is of the essence! The shorter the time from stroke to treatment – the shorter the recovery time and the lower the risk for lasting damage. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THE SIGNALS & SYMPTOMS CAN GO AWAY AS FAST AS THEY APPEARED. Remember, “Time lost is brain lost .”

Are we at risk? Let’s see.

The American Stroke Association lists the following risk factors:

Unchangeable/uncontrollable factors include:

a. Chances for having a stroke more than doubles each decade after age 55 BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE – STROKES DO NOT RESPECT AGE – children as young as 11 years of age have had strokes!

b. Men are more prone to strokes than women; HOWEVER, more women die from stroke than men.

c. Risk of stroke is greater for those who have parents, grandparents, or siblings that have had strokes.

d. People who have had a stroke, heart attack or TIAs (Transient Ischemic Attacks) have a higher risk factor than those who have not. TIAs are “warning strokes” that produce stroke-like symptoms but typically leave no lasting damage.

Good news! Some risk factors that can be changed and/or controlled:

a. High blood pressure

b. Cigarette smoking

c. High cholesterol

d. Diabetes

e. Heart disease or arterial disease

f. Sickle cell anemia

g. Poor diets such as those high in saturated fats, trans fats, cholesterol and sodium *

h. Obesity / lack of physical activity

I have both controllable and uncontrollable risk factors – how about you?

 What we can do to REDUCE our risk of having a stroke?

The American Stroke Association tells us . . . “Exercise your POWER!”

• P ut down cigarettes and stop smoking.

• O bserve advice from your doctor and know your family’s medical history.

• W atch your weight and be physically active at least 30 minutes on most days.

• E at healthy; avoid foods high in saturated and trans-fats, cholesterol and sodium.

• R egulate high blood pressure and diabetes.

What can we do to help knock stroke out of its “3^rd place position?”

1) KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! Learn all you can about strokes so you can RECOGNIZE the signals and RESPOND. Visit stroke.org, strokeassociation.org

2) Help raise awareness – educate your friends, family and co-workers so we can all REDUCE our risk.

Strokes occur “In the Blink of an Eye.” Please for yourself and for the people you care about, be ready to:

 - -RECOGNIZE signals

- – RESPOND quickly

- – REDUCE risks

If you have comments or questions for the author, you can email GiGi at tidbitz2009@yahoo.com .